TC 2000 (1993)

January 10, 2000

by Nathan Shumate

Written and directed by T.J. Scott
Starring
- Bolo Yeung
- Jalal Merhi
- Billy Blanks
- Bobbie Phillips
- Matthias Hues
Produced by Jalal Merhi

Fortune strikes where you least expect it. If Billy Blanks hadn’t suddenly hit the big time with his Tae-Bo martial arts/exercise videos, he’d still probably be in Hollywood, yet another martial artist-turned-”actor” wading through mediocre action films, trying to be the next break-out Chuck Norris (or at least Don “The Dragon” Wilson).

In TC 2000, for example, he wasn’t the top-billed actor, or even second-billed, although he was obviously the star; top slot went to Bolo Yeung, and second to Jalal Merhi (all together now: “Who?”).

And while TC 2000 isn’t an exceptionally poor movie, it would be depressing to try to build a career on fare of this kind.

Starting at the top, then:

I had a sinking feeling right off the bat with the introductory voice-over: “No one took the environment seriously until it was too late.” Sounds suspiciously like the preamble to Omega Cop, a movie which has the dubious honor of giving me an aneurysm. Luckily, compared to Omega Cop, TC 2000 is The Matrix and Citizen Kane rolled into one.

Anyway: In this future, the rich have secreted themselves into an underground world (called, imaginatively, “The Underground”), leaving the po’ folk to take the brunt of the ozone depletion, infertile cropland, etc., on the surface (called, imaginatively, Surface World). Apparently, it’s been about a generation (twenty years or so) since the Undergrounders shut themselves in. The only contact they have with the surface is the TC personnel — “Tracker/Communicators,” who apparently do neither; each team is two people in a motorcycle and sidecar who ride into Surface World on patrol for nothing in particular.

Blanks is Jason Storm, a TC partnered with “rookie” Zoey Kinsella (Bobbie Phillips), doing their nightly patrol and bringing back readings that the ozone layer might actually be repairing itself, and things could be growing in Surface World (which is good, because you gotta wonder how the Surface dwellers have survived this long with no form of sustenance).

Just after their shift changes and they’re ready to call it a day, a TC partnership that just went out is ambushed by Breakers (that’s the mean, trying-to-get-into-the-Underground Surface Dwellers), who use their dead bodies to get past the sensors at the laser checkpoint into the Underground. Naturally, the TC Control Room pulls out all the stops (which means that they push a lot of buttons in quick succession) and call out all available TC’s to track the Breakers. Now, it looks like all the other TC’s have cotton in their ears, because only Jason and Zoey respond.

What follows is a less-than-flattering tour of the Underground — in fact, all we ever see of it is the sterile control room and miles of conduit- and pipe-encrusted corridors, the kind you see in just about every low-budget sci-fi flick.

Jason and Zoey split up and each take one of the two Breakers, and naturally, in order to show off Blanks’ (and, to a lesser extent, Phillips’) fighting abilities, neither TC thinks to do the obvious: DRAW A GUN. Even though it’s later shown that they don’t have real guns, only stunners, it still would seem simpler to just zap the guy right off, rather than go eight rounds with him, leaping and kicking, before finally frying him. (It’s sort of the same logic that keeps Ultraman from using that cross-the-arms purple blast until his egg timer’s about to run out, I guess.)

Anyway. Breakers get mopped up, and Jason and Zoey report to the Controller, the leader of the TC’s and head of Underground security. Red Flag #1: The Controller has a dark moustache and a black beret. In action movies, this is akin to having an entourage hold a sign above his head blinking “BAD GUY” in neon letters. Zoey mentions that the Breakers know their shift change schedules too well; there’s got to be a leak from inside the Underground. (Yeah, like cops change their time schedules every day.) While in the Controller’s office, we also meet Cameron, sort of a Doogie Howser type but with less charisma, who’s working on a TC-2000X project with the Controller, sort of a cyborg TC. (The Controller cuts him off before he can reveal more than the necessary expository and foreshadowing material.) We also meet Bigelow (Mattias Hues), the Controller’s right hand goon in a similar black beret.

A little later, in the locker room, Jason and Bigelow bump into each other, and it’s obvious that they’ve already got grudges against one another, because the next thing you know they’re settling their differences the TC way: anything-goes fighting in the gym with a crowd of onlookers. (The referee makes a comment about this being the most constructive way to work through differences in the TC force; personally, I don’t think that bureaucracy-sanctioned Ultimate Fighting is the wisest solution, but nobody asked me.) Although the bout is called on account of time, it looks like Jason had the upper hand.

I just gotta say right here, that not five minutes of this flick goes by without hand-to-hand combat of some kind. Not only is this an action movie, but it was apparently written specifically in order to shoehorn as many fight scenes in as possible, just like sex scenes are shoehorned into a porn flick at every conceivable location (um, not that I know about that).

Anyway. Later, at Jason’s place, Zoey voices her suspicions of the Controller being the security leak. She also gives a vital bit of exposition: Her father, a famous scientist, had given her a necklace before he died shaped a child’s hand holding a key. This is presented in such a way that we cannot miss the fact that THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT.

Meanwhile, the Controller is using the Control Room video cameras to spy on a specific Surface Worlder, Master Sumai (Bolo Yeung), the brawniest Asian I’ve ever seen. These video cameras, by the way, come complete with a plot sensor: they can’t track intruders within the Underground itself, but they can find anyone anywhere in Surface World if the plot demands it (and no one ever thinks to ask them when the plot doesn’t demand it). Sumai is the champion in a “takes all challengers” setup, and he demonstrates his martial arts prowess on a big smelly guy, eventually using his great “chi” powers to punch out the challenger through another guy. More on this later.

Also going on in surface world: In a semi-Renaissance-decorated hall, a bunch of semi-Renaissance-dressed toughs listen to Niki Picasso (Jalal Merhi) as he revs them up to attack the Underground. The costumes here just killed me; yeah, like a punch of post-apocalyptic toughs are going to construct fey-looking outfits out of stray rabbit fur and whatnot.

The Picassos (that’s the name of his gang, see, and they all paint their faces weird to look a little bit like Cubist paintings — clashes like hell with the Renaissance Faire clothes) attack a TC crew repairing one of the video cameras and, once again, use their bodies to get through the perimeter. To be fair, one Picasso accidentally slips off the bike and gets fried in the laser (says the computer, kindly: “Entrance… denied”), but still, it seems that the Underground has a really sucky security system. The Controller ought to look into that someday when he’s not busy combing his evil moustache.

Once again, Jason and Zoey (and no one else) find themselves running through pipe-filled corridors. The Picassos seem intent on getting to a part of the Underground that no one uses anymore; they even have some kind of handheld device that tells them where they’re going, which Zoey captures on her helmet-cam.

Finally, after a lot more hand-to-hand, Niki finds exactly what he was searching for: a hidden box of for-real semi-automatic guns. He starts firing on Jason and Zoey with reckless abandon, and while the latter two are ducking for cover, another handgun emerges from the shadows, takes careful aim… BLAM BLAM BLAM! Zoey goes down, while her unseen assailant vanishes back into the shadows. After a sickly-sweet “partners always” bit of dialog, she expires in Jason’s arms. (And, at this point, we assume that the Picassos escape.)

Ah, but then we go to Cameron’s lab — remember him? — where they’re implanting the chip that will make Zoey (wait for it) a TC-2000X!

Back at his apartment, Jason goes over the tapes from Zoey’s helmet-cam, and discovers that the “thing” that Niki had was a PDR, TC issue, which tells him exactly where to go; obviously leaked from the inside. (To me, it just looked like a pre-Palm Pilot electronic organizer, but maybe in the Underground they’re in a computer-retro phase.)

As Zoey’s funeral (in which it comes up that Jason and Zoey were partners for ten years — aside from the fact that she doesn’t look nearly old enough, what happened to “rookie”?) ends, Jason and the Controller engage in an increasingly-heated exchange. Jason mentions that Niki had a PDR; the Controller’s next words are Red Flag #2: “Does anybody else know about this?”

Missing this obvious sign of Bad Guyness, Jason tells him that he wants out of the TC’s; the Controller orders him to report for complete deprogramming, removing his ID chip and all.

Cameron conducts the operation, and later Jason wakes up woozy in his apartment.

The Controller is incensed that Cameron didn’t kill Jason on the operating table like he told him too; Cameron complains that there were too many witnesses. So The Controller tells Bigelow to take care of it, and Bigelow’s men stage the worst SWAT attack of all time: Two of them arrive and start banging on the door, saying things like, “Storm, we know you’re in there,” and “we’re gonna get you,” giving Jason plenty of time to get up, get dressed, and have a nice serving of leftover cous-cous before the goons actually break down the door and get their asses kicked. By the time the next two goons show up (late for duty, I guess), Jason’s disappeared into the ductwork.

The Controller immediately instructs the TC’s that Jason has defected, and that it was he who organized the Picasso break-in that killed his partner.

Insert five-minute obligatory action scene, as Jason wipes the floor with three Surface Worlders who try to mug him.

The Controller then calls a press conference (??? there’s even the semblance of a free press in this fascist Underground?) where he unveils his new 80% human, 20% machine law enforcement system — the TC-2000X! Zoey enters the room in a series of somersaulting backflips, and boy, that chip sure changes things; where once she was white-bread and wholesome, now she’s got skanky eye makeup and hair, and an outfit like a female wrestler’s. (An itty-bitty chip qualifies as “20% machine”? Sure, now she’s got pixelated Terminator vision and everything, but still…) I probably also ought to say here that, when Cameron was programming the chip, he said he couldn’t actually delete her memory — too risky — but he could cover it completely with programming. We all know how well that works; as if we didn’t get it, we see at the press conference that the flash of the reporters’ flashbulbs gives her flashbacks to the Picassos’ guns.

Jason makes it to the main strip in Surface World, where Sumai is taking on another challenger. This guy starts cheating when the fight goes badly and pulls a knife; Jason saves Sumai’s life by deflecting it. Then a gong goes off and the crowd scatters as a TC patrol comes through. Jason walks up to them like they’re old friends, and gets zapped for his trouble, but before they can cart him off, Sumai rescues him.

The Picassos also show up on the scene, and then Zoey does, and she fights the Picassos, and then joins up with them. (This is one of the big “huh?” scenes.)

Back at Sumai’s improbably palatial home, where he lives with his daughter, Jason says he wants to take on the Picassos. He’s told that the only ones who could do this are the Lifers, a criminal brotherhood who live at Terminal Station, which just happens to be an air-poisoning station that the Underground plans to use to wipe out the Surface Worlders when the Surface World is habitable again. Naturally, Jason’s heard nothing of this.

Zoey, meanwhile, is cutting a deal with Niki; if he can get her to Terminal Station, the Controller will give him whatever he wants.

Jason and Sumai sneak into the Picasso’s lair in daylight (with an orange filter on the camera), and Jason proceeds to kick Niki’s butt, but then Zoey walks in. Amazed, Jason can’t defend himself as she kicks him over the table, walks around, kicks him back over, walks around… Of course, there’s a momentary memory leak, when Zoey’s Terminator-vision vanishes for a split second, but then she gets over it and kicks him down the stairs.

At this point we’re supposed to believe that they left him alive and let him wander off, because the next scene is of Sumai and his daughter dressing Jason’s wounds.

Now, here’s a large, confusing element of the plot: The Controller starts complaining about how long it’s taking Zoey to get to Terminal Station, and Cameron explains she was programmed to romance Niki, or something. I can’t understand the delay myself, nor do I really have any idea what the timeframe is here, but it’s long enough for Sumai to train Jason, in a black-backgrounded montage, in several of his martial arts tricks, as well as to demonstrate that “chi” thing again: Sumai stands on one side of a wall and punches it, and a watermelon explodes on the other side. (A poor use of resources; I’m sure watermelons are worth a pretty penny in Surface World.)

When Jason refers to Zoey by her last name, “Kinsella,” Sumai puts it all together: Dr. Kinsella built Terminal Station as an air-restoring plant, but it was then perverted into a killing machine. The hand-holding-key necklace that Zoey has must mean, well, something. Sumai, apparently, was brought to this country to train the personnel for the Underground, but he disagreed with the whole sceme and stayed topside.

Cameron, meanwhile, confronts the Controller about the bullet(s?) that killed Zoey — they were from a handgun, not the semi-automatics that Niki’s gang was using. The Controller obligingly shows him his gun and offs him. The Controller finds Zoey’s necklace around his neck, and apparently it all makes sense to him.

Sumai and Jason go into the streets to gather fighters to assault Terminal Station. After the obligatory hand-to-hand sequence, four guys step forward. Sumai gives them a quick training, and they’re ready for combat.

The Picassos invade the Lifer territory; with the help of their superior weapons, it takes barely any time to wipe them out. The Controller and his entourage arrive, and he uses Zoey’s handprint to open the main door of Terminal Station.

Now, follow along with me, as apparently this was the Controller’s plan: Zoey’s hand is the key to the station (get the necklace yet?), so the Controller apparently planned the Breaker attacks specifically so that Zoey would get shot, and then he could make a TC-2000X out of her, and she’d follow his instructions and let him into the Station. Is that sufficiently Rube-Goldbergian a plot for you?

Anyway, Sumai’s team manages to sneak in before the big doors close, and what follows is a continuous string of action bouts as the Controller tries to get to the Kill Zone. And yes, the entire interior of Terminal Station is another pipe-filled maze of corridors.

Along the way, Sumai’s team gets defeated except for Jason and Sumai himself. And while Jason fights a string of spearcarriers, Sumai and Bigelow go at it.

The Controller, meanwhile, gets to the Kill Zone (a tall concrete tube, not unlike the inside of a nuclear reactor), and starts the whole “Surface World Cleansing Sequence,” which apparently involves sending up fifty gazillion different inert chemicals into the atmosphere and then finally sending up a catalyst which will make the atmosphere poisonous for 48 hours, killing off the Surface Worlders.

Sumai finally defeats Bigelow by using that “punching through the wall” trick (big surprise there), and he, Jason and Zoey meet in the control area. Zoey’s programming finally breaks down, and the Terminator-vision disappears. (Again, big surprise.)

Frantically, they try all sorts of passwords to get the system to abort before the last missile goes up — first “Zoey,” then “Kinsella” — and finally Sumai steps forward and types in “life.” See, “Zoey” is Greek for “life,” and… aw, never mind. All’s swell that ends swell. The end.