• Directed by Fred Olen Ray
• Written by Jeff Falls and R.U. King
• Starring
  • Erik Estrada
  • Oliver Darrow
  • Brinke Stevens
  • Michelle Bauer

Every actor, no matter how well respected, has career doldrums as some point. Sean Connery donned a loincloth in Zardoz. Christopher Plummer pontificated in Star Crash. If such luminaries are reduced to the cinematic ghetto to pay the rent, what of lesser stars? What, for instance, of Erik Estrada?

Erik then finds himself working for Fred Olen Ray.

Apparently there’s something about Estrada’s face that pegs him as either cop or clergy, because his resume is replete with both badges and collars. In this one, he is Father Vicci, a youngish priest tormented anew by a short fling of ten years before. The woman was Mrs. Harron, beautiful and wealthy – who then went on to murder her family and slit her wrists.

Harron House is haunted, you see – built by the evil Henri Picard just after the turn of the century. Picard was himself a fallen priest (and, I think, the guy who designed the Ghostbusters apartment building), and the sacrifices he made with young virgins (back when you could find any in SoCal) made the house a place of permanent evil and pain.

Now it’s about to be torn down; mass murders really ruin property value. But a parapsychologist wants to dig into the rumors, so he assembles a skeptical psychologist, a psychic (Brinke Stevens, the other recognizable face in the cast), and a representative of the historical society; together they spend a weekend there before the bulldozers roll in on Monday.

Haunted house movies are a genre all to themselves, and visions and frights are de rigeur, as are hidden diaries and burial plots. Spirits is a competent (though by no means exemplary) entry in the genre, with only a few glaring faults in its premise.

1) The Harron House is not only a historical site (being built in 1901), but it’s also the site of famous mass murder. Surely it would have been poked over well enough by both historical societies and the police that obvious clues like the aforementioned diary and burial site would have been discovered (to say nothing of the fine furniture and antique prints still on the premises, waiting to be crushed to powder on Monday).

2) There comes a point in most haunted house movies in which the audience loses connection with the protagonists – normally it’s at the point when we realize that any reasonably intelligent person (say, anyone with a double-digit IQ) would have GOTTEN THE HELL OUT by now! How many rotting succubi, demonic possessions, etc., do you need before you get the hint?

3) Although we see him throughout the film, Estrada’s role is really incidental to the plot until he shows up to sprinkle holy water on Picard’s resting place (and ultimately, his reanimated corpse). Instead he stays at his church, experiencing visions of the dead Mrs. Harron as well as Michelle Bauer as a naughty nun (sounds like a burlesque act, doesn’t it?), and arguing with the good nun who tries to convince him to put his sins behind him. (Side note: I’m no Catholic, but wouldn’t it be something of a no-no for a priest and a nun to be the only two people at the church at all times? Aren’t there supposed to be chaperones or something?)

Nonetheless, it’s an amusing little bit of horror. Watching Brinke Stevens’ cackling histrionics as she is repeatedly possessed by Picard is a bit like watching anything with Bruce Campbell: not at all convincing, but fun to watch (an apt comparison, since there are lots of bits stolen from the Evil Dead movies here).

By the way: As far as nightmares go, I’ve had some doozies (probably related to the movies I watch – you think?), but I’ve never yet sat right up as I awakened.

A Notable Quotable:

“Whatever it is that’s in this house, it’s going to find the soft underbelly of each of us and rip it open.”

- Amy Goldwyn (Brinke Stevens)