- Written and directed by Tim Kincaid
- Starring
- Norris Culf
- Nadine Hart
- Angelika Jager
- Joel von Ornsteiner
(Sigh.) I’ve got to stop doing this to myself.
There’s always the joy which attends a b-aficionado when you find a movie that, against all odds (cover art, cover blurb, etc.), turns out to be an undiscovered gem. I’ve done it a couple of times (Mindwarp is the one that comes to mind), and I keep this Quixotic hope alive that the next movie I rent for no good reason will be another faith-promoting miracle.
To find those pearls, you’ve got to wade through a lot of swine.
Robot Holocaust actually takes place after the robot holocaust — when alien robots have taken over earth colony New Terra and poisoned the air. Only the areas they designate have breathable air, and those areas are the quarters and environs for the human AirSlaves, who maintain the gigantic machines for the robot’s leader, the Dark One.
Enter Neo, a rebel from the waste lands — one of a tribe which has developed the ability to breathe the bad air. He comes to the remains of New Terra (which, it should be said, is the NYC skyline as seen from behind a pile of bulldozed earth) and telepathically talks to the least convincing robot ever shown in film. Tobor the Great’s got nothing on this guy, Klyton.
Rebel Neo falls in with Deeja, a girl whose father has created a device which counteracts the effects of the bad air (conveniently installed behind the ear — isn’t that where everyone breathes?). The evil robots get him, his daughter and the rebel and the dumbass robot gather a couple more paltry troops and make a trek to the Power Station to take over. Said trek appears to be a stroll through Central Park, with a worm-filled tunnel thrown in.
Oh yeah, there’s also Valaria, the Dark One’s right-hand woman who has a naughty habit of slipping into the pleasure chamber out of turn (not that I can see what’s so pleasurable about it — you touch a plasma globe and get to watch a man and a woman do interpretive dance in naked silhouette). She can’t act, can’t speak English very well, and can’t seem to keep this handful of rebels from destroying all her plans.
Large portions of this movie have been blocked from my memory. I saw it with two brothers-in-law and tried desperately to maintain sanity with MST3K chatter, but eventually just stared at the screen open-mouthed. This video did not grow like a fungus on a video store shelf; someone thought the initial idea was worthwhile, went to the trouble of writing a screenplay, still thought it worthwhile, and convinced someone with money to let him direct it. This cretin’s name is Tim Kincaid, and I think we ought to pull a “Sarah Connor” on this guy just to be safe.
Worst robot mask in the history of conscious thought (it actually had painted-on eyelashes!). Incredibly stilted dialog, delivered by excrable non-actors (thank heavens for small justice, Valaria never polluted the screen again). Pointless meandering plot. A video box with art that probably cost more than the entire production.
Someone, please, make it stop.
Discuss This
Respond to This
