Robo Warriors (1996)

February 8, 1999

by Nathan Shumate

Directed by Ian Barry
Written by Michael Berlin
Starring
- James Remar
- James Lew
- Kris Aguilar
- James Tolkan
Produced by Loucas George

Some interesting items from the opening credits:

Music by Richard Band (brother to Charles) — which explains the Predator-ripoff action theme.

“Based on characters created by Stuart Gordon” — whatever that means.

Oh, and by the way, this gem was produced by someone with the unlikely name of Loucas George.

On to the story: When Earth was invaded by the Terridax (short for “pterodactyls”?), we apparently wagered control of the planet on a single-combat fight between the giant Earthbot, controlled by the hero Gibson, and the equally-massive Tsu Garu. We lost the bout (due to sabotage), Gibson went underground, and the Earthbot was hidden — until ten years later, the grandson of the Earthbot’s designer hunts Gibson down in a seedy bar.

Now, I’m well aware of the limits that “giant robots” puts on a movie’s plausibility, but still, one would appreciate at least the effort.

Consider: Zack, the annoying teen know-it-all (at least he’s not Wesley) can track down Gibson over the “Info-web” in a matter of minutes, even though the occupying aliens have been searching for him for ten years with no luck. (If you were imposing totalitarian rule, would you allow the Internet to survive, in any form? I didn’t think so.)

Come to think of it, it’s pretty unlikely that any invading civilization which would rely on single combat to decide a war would then impose fascist rule. Franco wasn’t a Klingon.

Then Zack (in a red shirt and white hat, no less) and Gibson sneak through the jungle to the hidden Earthbot, even though a fully-armed mission (lead by Gibson and containing Zack’s ill-fated dad) hadn’t been able to do it ten years earlier. And the Terridax just let the Earthbot sit there, partially concealed, for ten years. Wouldn’t it make more sense to dig up and dismantle the annoying thing? Or at least put forward an adequate defense perimeter around the thing?

Now, I’ll admit that the giant robots looked pretty impressive, partly because that they used a full 85′ mock-up in several shots to establish scale, and partly because the “miniature” robots were still a full 9′ tall. Godzilla should look so good.

Nevertheless, some despicable flaws:

The dialogue was so cliche-ridden I felt like Jeanne Dixon, especially in the scenes between Gibson and Zack’s mother.
I hate peat-on-water masquerading as quicksand, especially when they manage to pull the victim out — you can see it’s just water!
The sabotage element was only sketched in: “Oh yeah, there was some sabotage in the first battle — and by the way, this was the saboteur!”

BTW, according to my sources, this film was completed in the summer of ’96 and slated for a major theatrical release that fall. Instead it was finally dumped to video without any fanfare this last fall (Hollywood Video only had one copy on their new release wall). The best laid plans…