Cold Fusion Video Reviews

• Written and directed by Dan O’Bannon
• Starring
  • Clu Gulager
  • James Karen
  • Don Kalfa
  • Thom Mathews
  • Linnea Quigley

“The events portrayed in this film
are all true. The names are
real names of real people and
real organizations.” No, I’m not going to talk about subtext.Here we have the perfect non-sequel, referencing but not following George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. It’s even more blatant than Lucio Fulci titling his living dead opus Zombi 2 (to capitalize on Dawn of the Dead, retitled Zombi in Italy); here, Frank (James Karen, always a lot to watch perform) explains to Freddy (Thom Mathews) that the events of Night of the Living Dead were actually based on a weird chemical spill at a VA hospital — 245-trioxin, if you want to be specific — and by an army screwup, some of the encapsulated corpses were transported right there, to Uneeda Medical Supply (all together, now: “I do?”).

So all it takes is one of the canisters to crack, releasing a chemical cloud, and bingo! It’s a zombie movie!

Of course, what American horror film is complete without a crowd of deserving teenagers to get chomped? So Freddie’s girlfriend and her incredibly diverse group of friends hang out at the cemetery next door, waiting for Freddie to get off work. Instant zombie fodder.

Seriously, what’s to say about this movie? And what’s not to like? Instead of trying for plodding menace (which often just becomes plodding boredom in the hands of an unskilled director), writer/director Dan O’Bannon gives us hordes of the dead, breaking into the barricaded mausoleum, ambushing paramedics and cops, and generally chowing down as if it was Superbowl Weekend.

My only complaint, and only because I’m a nitpicker: It always jars my usually-willing suspension of disbelief to see these thoroughly rotten corpses (one was completely reduced to a skeleton) with pristine eyes. The eyes go first, bubba! On the other hand, I can see how the eyes were necessary to give the zombies a visual sense of personality; and what would the Tarman or the Half Woman be without personality?

Some Notable Totables:

• body count: 15 on-screen, plus scores more implied, plus 4000 more reported after the tactical strike
• breasts: 2
• explosions: 2
• dream sequences: 0
• ominous thunderstorms: 1
• actors who’ve appeared on Star Trek: 1
  • John Durbin (”Send more paramedics!”) played Sestar in the TNG episode “Lonely Among Us,” Gul Lemec on the two-parter “Chain of Command,” and Traidy on the DS9 episode “A Simple Investigation” — not bad for a zombie!