• Directed by David Allen
• Written by David Pabian
• Starring
  • Elizabeth Maclellan
  • Collin Bernsen
  • Steve Welles
  • Gregroy Webb
  • Charlie Spradling
• Produced by David DeCoteau and John Schouweiler
• Executive produced by Charles Band

Given that the puppets are the real attraction of the Puppet Master movies (not to mention the keystone of the Full Moon toy marketing efforts), it shouldn’t be surprising that the technical considerations would take center stage in this, the movie that establishes the continuing franchise. Therefore, the fact that FX man David Allen takes the directorial reins here makes perfect sense. And given his expertise, it’s also not surprising that this movie has just about the most accomplished technical presentation of our center-stage puppets. The rest of the movie, however…

We open, naturally enough, with our stars, the puppets, excavating Andre Toulon’s grave in the unkempt cemetery behind the Bodega Bay Hotel (setting of the first movie). They pour in a beaker of a mysterious green liquid, and putrified arms rise up out of the coffin…

Cut to daylight. A team of government-sponsored psychic researchers (!) has converged on the Hotel to investigate the goings-on of the previous movie. In their expository set-up, we find out that Alex, the sole survivor of the previous psychic team (in the first movie), is off in an asylum somewhere (a pity, he seemed so sane when last we saw him), and that the previous owner of the hotel (whom we can only assume was the widow from the first film) was brutally murdered on the premises by having her brains drawn out through her nose. With this clean slate, the state took ownership, and now our current brave investigators have shown up: Red-headed Carolyn (Elizabeth Maclellan), her brother Patrick (Gregory Webb), designated tramp Wanda (Charlie Spradling), and Lance (Jeff Weston), first runner-up in the Dennis Miller lookalike pageant.

Oh yes, and our Jenny-come-lately, media psychic Camille (Nita Talbot), who arrives late due to stopping to talk with a fat local redneck couple who pass on news of mysterious livestock mutilations in the area that leave the animals with their brains carved out.

After seeing a few spookies around (such as Toulon’s collapsed gravesite in the cemetery out back), the team starts into the fray in ernest when Camille meets out little darlings, who break her kneecaps and drag her into the bowels of the hotel. (No big loss, she was really annoying.) The next up is Patrick, dispatched by Tunneler, who is caught on videotape; the other investigators make it to Patrick’s room and club the little puppet to death, then dissect him to scientific oohs and ahhs. (And somehow we completely avoid the requisite police investigation.)

Up to now, we’ve been following the pattern of the first movie: Buncha investigators get themselves bumped off by puppets. But now a new element intrudes: The reanimated Andre Toulon, wrapped up like the Invisible Man to keep his rotting flesh together and calling himself “Enrique Chanee.” He claims to be the rightful owner of the property, recently returned from Bucharest, and resides in the attic apartment. Oh, and he’s also instantly attracted to Carolyn, who’s a dead ringer (aside from the hair color) for his long-dead wife Elsa. (Why is it that every story with even a remote Egyptian connection revolves around that “reincarnation of a lost love” cliche?)

And because we need a hero (whoops! how’d we let that go so long?), Carmilla’s son Mike (Collin Bernsen, Corbin’s younger brother) shows up to investigate his mother’s disappearance, and just like Toulon, immediately falls victim to Carolyn’s charms (the difference being that, with Mike, the attraction is mutual).

It’s not long before we find out the reason for the puppet murders: They’re running out of juice! The puppets (and Toulon himself) are running on the green fluid, the secret of which Toulon learned in Egypt (in a flashback which confirms that, yes, this man could conceivably have looked like William Hickey when he got old enough), and they need a new dose every 50 years to keep going. And what is the main ingredient? Why, a certain lobe of the brain, of course! (Thank goodness it wasn’t spinal fluid; I’m so tired of that one.)

Naturally, that means that the two fat rednecks have to bite the dust at the hands of the puppets. Fortunately, the female redneck does all of us a favor by disposing of Leech Woman in the fire. Honestly, I’ve never understood the point behind that one; while all of the other puppets have some kind of offensive weaponry (well, the Jester doesn’t, but he’s ostensibly the ringleader), Leech Woman can only really attack an already-immobilized victim, and then her form of attack is to veeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyyyy ssssslllloooooowwwwwwllllyyyyy extrude leeches from her mouth, one by one. Ooh, scary.

In her place, we have a much more menacing puppet: Torch, a stocky little stormtrooper with a Kaiser Wilhelm helmet and a flamethrower for a right hand. Yeah, bet that makes Blade jealous…

What else is there to report? More people get killed (especially after sex), Toulon tries to get between Carolyn and Mike, there’s a big showdown in which Toulon plans to transplant himself and his “reincarnated love” into life-sized mannequins, Mike manages to survive an encounter with Blade thanks only to massive quantities of Hero’s Death Exemption (buy it in bulk at Sam’s Club), and we’re left open for a sequel.

The one other scene I wanted to point out was one in which a cannon-fodder kid is playing by his parents’ travel trailer, whipping a G.I. Joe with a bullwhip, then discovers Torch. While I am in no way expressing appreciation for violence against or cruelty to children (I still can’t sit through Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive), it is impressive to see Full Moon, which normally goes out of its way to provide “safe” horror and sci-fi (you know, the kind that will not actually horrify someone) break that kind of societal taboo. (Of course, they established clearly that the kid was one who abuses his toys, like the neighbor on Toy Story, and we all know how those kids end up.)

Couple the proceedings with a standard issue Richard Band faux-Elfman score, and all in all, the final product is superior to the original, if only because it doesn’t drag with so many bushels of padding to expand its running time; we hit the ground running, and the pace keeps up well. It’s forgettable and disposable, but at least it’s not painful.

Some Notable Totables:

• body count: 8
• breasts: 2
• exposed male butts: 1
• explosions: 0
• ominous thunderstorms: 1
• actors who’ve appeared on Star Trek: 0