Killjoy 2 (2002)

May 22, 2008

by Nathan Shumate

Produced and directed by Tammi Sutton
Written by Douglas Snauffer and Tammi Sutton
Starring
- Charles Austin
- Olimpia Fernandez
- Debbie Rochon
- Logan Alexander
- Jermaine Cheeseborough
Executive produced by Charles Band and J.R. Bookwalter

There are those who will say that Killjoy 2 is a better movie than the original. They could very well be right, though Lord knows that’s not any compliment at all. It’s true that the sequel avoids many of the annoying stupidities which saturated the first Killjoy (2000), but in so doing it finds all new stupidities to wallow in. Trying to decide which one is better is like trying to decide which three cardiac blood vessels you’d rather have clogged.

Although Big City Pictures producer Mel Johnson proudly talked about plans for a sequel in the making-of footage to the original Killjoy, it appears that this is not the sequel he was talking about. The entire cast and crew has been switched out, with J.R. Bookwalter’s Tempe Entertainment taking on the actual task of production. Though there is a Big City Pictures logo on the box, Johnson’s name doesn’t appear in the credits. Which is just as well, since this is probably the least-urban “urban” horror flick ever. The original Killjoy may have been cheap, but this sequel had to find cost-cutting measures even compared to that standard, and pinched pennies by moving the action from the mean ghetto streets (where you have to get permits and pay location fees) largely to a half-acre of forest.

Worst. Casting. Call. Ever.

I hesitate to even tell you about the first scene, because it sets up false expectations. Young African-American tough Nic (Charles Austin) is minding his business, smoking on the roof of a Hollywood highrise, when a cop tries to catch him. Nic leads the cop and his partner on a merry chase through the building, ending on the floor in the lobby of Full Moon Studios. (I mean, that’s some pretty distinctive poster art in the background.) The cops yammer at him about holding out information, then plant some powder on him and march him off. You may think from this that Nic’s “information,” whatever it is, will have something to do with the story. You would be wrong. Barring that, you may think that at least Nic is being set up as the protagonist, or at least a character of special note. Again, you would be wrong. This scene doesn’t matter. At all.

The first scene that does matter introduces us to all of our main characters at once (including Nic, again, as if we hadn’t just had a scene for his little old self). A group of young offenders is about to be shipped out of L.A. two hundred miles to renovate a house to be used as a facilities for at-risk youths such as themselves. Their authority figures on the fabulous journey are police officers Redding (Logan Alexander), and Martinez (Debbie Rochon, aka “token white cast member”). I feel for anyone who sees Rochon for the first time here; she’s done dozens of low- and micro-budget features, and has demonstrated that she can perform well with a good director and a good script. I thus attribute her uncompelling and amateurish performance here to the absence of either prerequisite.

The kids? In order of appearance (Martinez reads off a role as they exit the building to get in the van for the trip):

- Ce-Ce (Nicole Pulliam of The Horrible Doctor Bones (2000)), of no particular personality;
- Nic, whom Martinez characterizes as a bad-ass;
- Ray-Ray (Choice Skinner of Cryptz (2002)), stereotypical young inner-city chucklehead;
- Charlotte (Olimpia Fernandez of Cryptz, Hell Asylum (2002), and Speck (2002)), a shrinking violet who burned down a school for no reason that is ever given;
- Eddie (Jermaine Cheeseborough), who thinks he’s a crusader for his black brethren, and who (for novelty’s sake) speaks in complete sentences.

Oh, and before we’re underway, Redding spends some time under the hood of the van, muttering about crummy maintenance. That’s not ominous.

Welcome to the writer’s room.

And we’re off! On an excursion that’s supposed to last ninety days, with exactly two people in authority for the whole time, and absolutely no luggage except for the occasional small backpack. Could we skip forward to something a little less unbelievable, like the evil supernatural clown-demon?

No, we can’t. First we have to drive and drive and drive, and then stop for a potty break in which random characters can interact with each other in a fashion that extends neither their characterization nor the plot, then drive some more… Finally, it’s night, and the engine goes *pop*. After confirming with a cursory glance that the engine is indeed finished, Redding announces a plan to take the three boys with him to search for a phone. (They have a cell phone with them, but drat the luck, it can’t get a signal.) And they do so… through the woods. By flashlight. I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe, they ought be following that paved thing they were just driving on. I think they call it “the road.” Redding asserts that this is indeed the proper course of action, bolstering his authority by stating that he himself grew up in the country. With the survival instincts exhibited here, it’s a wonder he grew up, period.

After traipsing a while through the woods while telling his three charges repeatedly to stop complaining, Redding spies a house. The approach and knock; unfortunately, despite the lights on, there’s no answer. So Redding, youth corrections professional that he is, leaves the three to sit in lawn furniture while he explores further. I think you can guess where this is going: As soon as Redding’s out of sight, Ray-Ray finds and unsecured window and slips inside.

Unfortunately, the house isn’t as unoccupied as one might think; just as Ray-Ray gets to the front door to let his compatriots in, the homeowner (director Tammi Sutton) comes up behind him with a shotgun. He’s blown out the door as he opens it, just as Redding returns. At first I thought that the blast went right through him, but no; thanks to the magic of crummy editing, Ray-Ray managed to get shot in the front from behind. Pretty tricky, that.

There’s much shouting and cursing, and when the homeowner turns her shotgun toward Eddie, Redding pulls his revolver and plugs her through the head. Then, because Ray-Ray is severely injured, Redding decides that Nic and Eddie should haul his bleeding carcass back through the woods to the van. Wait, what? That’s right; you’ve got someone who hemorrhaging from a point-blank shotgun blast to the torso, so drag him back through the forest! Redding, meanwhile, proposes to stay behind and continue looking for a phone. The trio of boys has only barely gotten out of sight when they hear the report of another shot behind them. Has Redding been shot at? By whom? (Note: This question will never be answered.)

It’s like Crocodile Dundee, but in reverse and with clowns! Also, stupider!

When Nic and Eddie buck the odds of getting lost and finally get Ray-Ray back to the van (“He’s lost a lot of blood!” — ya think?) which has no first-aid kit, Nic appropriates Miss Martinez’s gun just because, and then… they set out again. All of them. Through the woods, in a different direction, once more dragging the delirious Ray-Ray along. This is so far past funny… especially when they start complaining about being tired. “We’ve been walking for an hour!” At least Ray-Ray hasn’t been, what with being supported under the shoulders and forcibly dragged through the forest. They all also complain about the cold, which again brings up the fact that, for a 90-day work program, they’ve brought practically no luggage with them. Heaven help the person who wants to change his/her underwear in the next three months.

It’s then that they see another light, and this time Nic marches right in with the gun, because the best way to get the help of the locals is to win their trust. Fortunately, the occupant of this house is a little less trigger-happy; she’s Kadja (Rhonda Claerbaut of The Horrible Doctor Bones), the incongruous spooky witch woman. She’s got no phone, and she’s got no car (because people in the hinterlands just love walking everywhere), and I eventually realize that we’re supposed to believe she has no electricity, even though the candles we see aren’t nearly sufficient to provide the illumination in the house. Kadja does some voodoo with a chicken foot on Ray-Ray to help him possibly stay stable until morning, and then everyone sits around and… Oh, hey, we’re about to mention our titular character who hasn’t shown up yet!

Yup, after Kadja gives the brief and obligatory “Don’t be dissing voodoo” warning, Ce-Ce tells a story from her grandmother about a demonic spirit named Killjoy. Apparently what her grandmother had seen was the first movie, because that’s sort of the story she tells. Then she and Nic go outside for some fresh air, because having everyone in one spot reduces the likelihood that someone will do something stupid to keep the plot moving.

Ce-Ce mentions that she’d sure like a hit of something, so Nic lets slip that he may be holding a little something or other. (Because young offenders can walk right out of a detention facility into a waiting van and somehow score drugs in between. On the other hand, Ray-Ray managed to come along while packing an entire box of condoms.) But in return, he wants her to summon that Killjoy character to save Ray-Ray. She consents, even though she has no idea how to control or get favors from some demonic clown. She does a little chant, and when Killjoy doesn’t appear, Nic changes his tactics: If she gives up some bootie, he’ll share what he’s got. She does so (with no nudity for you to see, fanboy), and then it turns out he doesn’t actually have any drugs. And then he wonders why she storms off.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: The appearance of Killjoy! I will admit that I never thought I would be anxious to see this wisecracking pierrot, especially in a sequel which is turning out to be almost as annoying as the pointless original. However, we’ve already passed the halfway point of the running time, and frankly, the only way out is through, and if the title character never shows up, the movie can NEVER END. So all thanks for the appearance of a sign that we’re finally getting on with it.

As I mentioned earlier, the entire cast and crew has been replaced, and Killjoy himself is no exception; this time out, the killer clown is played by Trent Haaga, an actor, writer and producer whose name has become more familiar via productions from Tempe Entertainment and Lloyd Kaufman’s Troma Productions. I like Trent. I really do. But even he can’t save the patently ridiculous of a supernatural killer clown running around the woods, imitating Jack Nicholson’s Joker. He’s not helped by the new appliance makeup, either, which seems ill-fitted to his face, and poorly painted besides.

Killjoy staying close to his element.

Nevertheless, the appearance of Killjoy means we can start seeing people get killed. And while I’m not a particularly bloodthirsty individual, the more cannon fodder we plow through, the closer we are to the end.

First Killjoy catches up with Ce-Ce in the outhouse, shoving his razor-sharp chattering teeth through the half-moon in the door. Then Eddie goes outside to get some water from the pump, and Killjoy impales him with a pipe. Then Ray-Ray dies — offscreen, which is pretty unimpressive for someone whose injury has been the story engine for the last little while. Nic, who’s wandered in, goes out looking for Ce-Ce again. Killjoy uses his Jedi powers to make Nic cut his throat with the knife pulls out and waves around — an impressive feat, as the knife in question is pretty clearly of the “two-buck novelty collapsing blade” variety.

Somewhere in here, Kadja offhandedly mentions to Miss Menendez that Killjoy’s outside and it’s dangerous to go out there, as if she had known this all along… though she made no move previously to stem the tide of people wandering out her door. The three women left inside — Kadja, Miss Menendez, and Charlotte — perform some little blood ritual with sliced hands which is supposed to do something or other for them; then Kadja goes outside to face Killjoy down. Apparently she had no plan beyond that, because Killjoy immediately causes magical slashmarks to appear all over her neck and kill her.

Then Killjoy comes back in the house, knocks Miss Menendez out (for absolutely no reason, since he can kill people just as easily as render them unconscious) and starts menacing Charlotte. And just before he gets so bored of himself that he’s ready to finally kill her — hey, look! Lt. Redding has shown up out of nowhere! Where’s he been? How did he know to wander through the woods until he found this house? I dunno, but he proves pretty ineffectual against Killjoy’s Jedi powers until…

Okay. There are jars all over Kadja’s dining room table. Some of them have candles in them, some just have murky liquids. Charlotte picks up one at random and splashes it in Killjoy’s face, whereupon he collapses to the floor and turns to jelly. Or rather, huge gobs of gelatin are affixed to his face. I don’t know exactly where in the movie we crossed the line of “Nobody involved in this production gives a damn anymore,” but we’ve certainly passed it by this point.

And that’s all. There’s a slight coda in which the three random survivors are cheerily transported away in a police vehicle (because mayhem involving six corpses only rates a single police officer and no crime-scene investigation). The most shocking and original feature of the movie is that there isn’t a “shocker” at the end. Maybe they felt that the fifteen or so shockers at the end of the original sufficed for the franchise. Or maybe someone involved knew that he or she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if there were any setup for a sequel.

“Pass the pickles, please.”

Because I usually like Tempe Entertainment productions, I’m of course scrambling for some kind of justification whereby I can absolve people I like for a movie I detest. The fact that the concept was a hand-me-down is of course a great factor, and as I mentioned before, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that the budget here was significantly lower than that given to the lackluster original. But there aren’t enough handicaps in the world to justify as aggressively stupid a movie as this one.