Double Dragon (1994)

Posted on Apr 16, 2003 under Action-suspense, Martial arts, Sci-fi |

Directed by James Yukich
Written by Michael Davis and Peter Gould
Starring
- Robert Patrick
- Mark Dacascos
- Scott Wolf
- Kristina Wagner
- Alyssa Milano

I’ve seen relatively few movies based on videogames. The most obvious reason is that I don’t play many videogames (when you have Tetris, what else do you need?), so I’m not the target for the built-in audience identification. The other reason is that, frankly, most of them suck. Which is to be expected. I mean, you’re trying to wring a structured plot, something which the audience can accept as passive entertainment, from a form of entertainment which by necessity must have an open-ended plot for the players to engage with. It’s like trying to make a movie about a football game. Not about football players and their lives on and off the field, because football players are people and therefore the potential for drama and a larger scope of plot exist; no, about a particular game, confined to the actions that take place on the gridiron. Plus, no matter how brilliant a creative team is put to work on the adaptation, there’s a market-driven ceiling of quality; I mean, they can’t really make a break-out creative movie, because then it won’t appeal to the people who would say, “Hey, there’s a movie playing down at the Cineplex based on a Nintendo game — that says entertainment! Where’s my hat?”

The fact that I can identify Al Leong instantly depresses my wife for some reason.

If you’re looking for positives about Double Dragon, I can give you this: It doesn’t feel like you’re watching someone else play a videogame for ninety minutes. (No, that describes Mortal Kombat, which as a movie tried so hard to replicate the feel of the game that, unfortunately, they succeeded.)

Which is pretty much the biggest compliment I can give it. Most of the rest of it pushes adequate — and again, that’s judging by the standards of its peers.

We open in modern China, which, naturally, looks just like medieval China, as bad girl Lash (Kristina Wagner), who earned her name by her devotion to a bullwhip, commands a team of martial-arts rowdies in mowing down a village of idyllic priests. In search of what? Why, the medallion she finds in the hidden shrine: half of the Double Dragon, an artifact of great mystical power, especially when both halves are used together. Which is the mainspring of the plot.

The final fate of Tinkerbell.

Lash’s employer is the EE-vil millionaire Shuko (Robert Patrick), whose plans for world domination revolve around having both halves of the Double Dragon. Well, city domination, anyway — the city being New Angeles, the post-quake, gang-ridden hellhole of 2007. Gee, who wouldn’t want to be the big dog around there?

And where is the other half of the Double Dragon? In the very same city, in the protective custody of Satori (Julia Nickson-Soul), surrogate parent to the orphans of her former employer: 15-year-old Billy Lee (played by 24-year-old Scott Wolf), and 17-year-old Jimmy Lee (played by 30-year-old [!!] Mark Dacascos). The Lee brothers (by different mothers, one can only assume) are something of a hot karate duo, though their shot at the tournament championship is cut short by Billy’s tomfoolery and temper. (And, truth be told, by the necessity of cutting to a fighting double whenever Scott Wolf is supposed to be kicking ass.)

But that’s the least of their troubles now. Heading home after the sundown curfew, when the police retreat and leave the city to the gangs, they’re accosted by the mohawked knucklehead Abobo (Nils Allen Stewart); and even though they manage to outrun and outrace him (hang on one second, and we’ll talk more about this), he catches sight of the Double Dragon in Satori’s possession, and reports it back to his secret employer, Shuko.

“It was the last hairpiece they had!”

Let the drawn-out action sequences commence! Actually, they’ve already begun; running from Abobo takes up at least ten minutes of screen time. And that’s just a taste of what’s to come. Shuko and his henchmen show up at the out-of-business theater where the Lees live: Chases and fights for fifteen minutes! Jimmy and Billy get away, and try to find a safe place to hide, but they’re beset upon even in broad daylight by the gangs (who are now under Shuko’s direct power, now that he’s killed their leader — Michael Berryman!). Another twenty minutes of fighting and chases, culminating in a motorboat chase down the watery remains of several Hollywood landmarks! If my plot summary comes in a little short, you’ll know why; there’s precious little plot holding the chases and fights together.

The brothers escape in an explosion that has them left for dead, and seek help from the one “good gang” out there” Power Corps, run by Marian (Alyssa Milano), which is an underground version of the Boys and Girls Club. Marian is a spunky good-girl rebel, even though her father (Leon Russom), who just happens to be the Chief of Police, condemns Power Corp as just another one of those gangs with whom he’s had to broker a truce. Special mention must be made of Marian’s haircut and outfit: Specifically, they blow. If you’ve never thought that Alyssa Milano could be made unattractive, this movie will be a shock to you; her short bleached haircut makes her almost unrecognizable, and her wardrobe seems specially chosen to show off all the wrong curves. (But if I mention Alyssa Milano by name often enough, maybe this review can supplant my old, lame review of Embrace of the Vampire as the most-visited page on this site. Alyssa Milano Alyssa Milano Alyssa Milano Alyssa Milano…)

“No, this time I get to lead!”

In case you’re wondering, how exactly does the Double Dragon function in the plot aside from as a McGuffin? Glad you asked. Shuko’s half provides power over the soul, which lets Shuko transform himself into a ephemeral shadow, which can pass through walls and such; plus, he can possess the bodies of others, which gives a few poorly-handled and obvious scenes of “Is it really Character X, or is it Shuko?” The half in the brothers’ possession holds power over the body; however, not being the magical experts that Shuko is, they spend the entire movie keeping it away from Shuko while wondering how to activate it.

So. Lame plot, underdeveloped characters, so-so special effects, and a tragically unattractive Alyssa Milano¹ … But the fights have to be good, right?

Well, not so much. Wolf’s character mostly resorts to slapstick — breaking gumball machines, poking people in the eyes, etc. Dacascos, naturally, acquits himself well on screen, but even then, everything’s played so lightly and anemically that it’s hard to get any adrenaline pumping. (I’m guessing that the producers were disappointed with the PG-13 rating, since it seems like they were so clearly trying to bring all of that nasty violence down to a PG level.)

“Agh! The matte paintings are converging on us!”

What really stands out is how much better the cast is than the material. None of these people are Hollywood showstoppers, granted, but all of them have been able to maintain a respectable career for years, and all have had at least one occasion on which they can show their acting chops. Here, though, they’re not characters; they’re brightly-colored cardboard cut-outs with names hung on them, moving from one overlong chase scene to the next.

And would someone please explain to me why a Double Dragon arcade game is featured prominently in the background in the climactic scene? Are they trying to remind the audience that, no, this was based on a videogame? Bet there were just oodles of kids running out of the theater to play when the movie was done. “Howcome I have to be Scott Wolf’s character? Aw, man…”

Some Notable Totables:

body count: 2
breasts: 0
explosions: 6
ominous thunderstorms: 0
aftershocks: 2
actors who’ve appeared on Star Trek: 5
- Julia Nickson-Soul (Satori) played “Ensign Lian T’Su”in the TNG episode “The Arsenal of Freedom” and “Cassandra” in the DS9 episode “Paradise”
- Leon Russom (Police Chief Delario) played “William ‘Billie’ Smillie” in Star Trek 6, and “Toddman” in the DS9 episode “The Die Is Cast”
- Jeff Imada (henchman “Huey”) did stunts on Star Trek 6
- Andy Dick (here as himself, Andy Dick) played “EMH-2 Dr. Bradley” in the Voyager episode “Message in a Bottle” (I missed this one — thanks to Hecubus for the heads-up)
- Michael Berryman (the Maniac gang leader) played “Starfleet Display Officer” (under tons of latex) in Star Trek 4, and “Captain Rixx” (under blue makeup) in the TNG episode “Conspiracy”