- Directed by David P. Barton
- Written by Douglas Snauffer and David P. Barton
- Starring
- Stephen O’Mahoney
- Tom Hoover
- Debbie Rochon
- Trent Haaga
- Jeff Dylan Graham
- Produced by Trent Haaga
- Executive produced by Charles Band and J.R. Bookwalter
I haven’t see all of the low-budget movies that Tempe Entertainment has produced for Full Moon Pictures over the last couple of years (I think there were nine in all). So in commenting on this, the last movie to come out of that partnership, I have to qualify my opinion and state that it’s probably the best of the Tempe/Full Moon flicks. That’s especially gratifying because I went into it with some significant trepidations — first-time director David Barton has made his living up to now as a makeup SFX man (both as a technician in some major Hollywood shops and as a one-man band on some previous Full Moon features), and those FX guys don’t always make a smooth transition to the director’s chair. (On the other hand, Stan Winston directed Pumpkinhead, so what do I know?)
I was gratified to see that Barton’s got his chops as a storyteller, and further that this movie went outside the “buncha pretty folk trapped somewhere with an ugly” formula that’s characterized far too many of the later Full Moon offerings. It’s a remarkably accomplished movie, especially for the budget, and barely seems like a Full Moon movie — that’s a compliment, folks.
“Oh, wait — it says here in your yearbook that this is exactly what you three were voted most likely to do.”
Our main characters are three high school friends, now well past high school: JP (Tom Hoover), the overcompensating fat guy; Eric (Trent Haaga, who’s been making a lot of appearances around here lately), the class clown; and Hollis (Stephen O’Mahoney), a bit more level-headed than the other two but still very small-town and unambitious. The three work together at Hollis’ construction company, and spend their off-hours together at the neighborhood bar and at other activities, such as playing Dare with the old “witch’s” house.
See, there’s a decrepit old house on the edge of town (shot in and around Akron, Ohio, by the way — Tempe returns to its roots!), demarked with NO TRESPASSING signs, where the fabled witch is supposed to live. Nollis drives the other two out there and dares Eric to go peek in her windows and enter the house — but before Eric gets up the nerve, their truck is attacked by a skinny, feral-looking guy (Christopher Suici). A bit unnerved, they get the hell out in reverse.
Nothing makes a woman less attractive than tobacco products.
Back at the watering hole, they find out that their “jackal boy” is actually an occasional customer, asking only for a bowl (!) of milk. He comes in on cue, makes his regular order, and everyone’s just fine staring at each other across the room — until he makes a grab for the waitress’ tail. (No, not like that; she’s got a furry keychain or something hanging out of her back pocket, and he swipes at it.) In typical male fashion, the three then chase off the offender molesting their womenfolk — and to leave more of a mark, they find Jackal-Boy wheeling his bike home, and give him a stomping.
Which is not a good thing to do to a witch’s only son. His mother Abigail (Barbara Katz-Norrod) retaliates by finding the three and blowing a powder into their faces that has them waking up the next morning nauseated and covered with boils. The symptoms fade fairly quickly, but the boys decide to jack it up a notch. They pay a couple of stoners, Shugi (Starr Jamie) and Asher (Jeff Dylan Graham), to go and throw rocks at the witch’s house. Only the stoners decide to take things even further.. and when Abigail comes home from wandering out in the woods, she finds that the fun-loving scamps have boiled her cat alive.
Except the cat was her son, who alternated between human and feline forms as her familiar. And things have now gone beyond prank stage.
Hmm. Looks like SOMEBODY saw Jacob’s Ladder.
Abigail’s revenge goes a little beyond efficiency, but she’s a big one for poetic justice: She transforms herself into a beautiful young woman (Debbie Rochon), and seduces all three of the guys on Halloween night. Then she, um, spontaneously aborts the fetuses conceived in the encounters, packs them in the gooey insides of pumpkins, and buries them.. and by morning, they’ve sprung up as hideous creatures, ready to extract her revenge for her.
I have to say, the ghastly trio is one of my major sticking points; while the masks are competent, the design kind of lacks panache — they seem more like pseudo-comical “undead bumpkins,” as if they were a holdover from an earlier draft that was trying for more of a serio-comical feel. But I shouldn’t complain, because at least they weren’t conceived with that “Hey, we could make a collectible action figure out of this!” feel of so many other Full Moon monsters.
And what follows their attacks is more than enough to make up for it. First they get Eric (well, technically, first they get Shugi, but since that takes place off-screen and he’s really not one of the main trio…), and once he’s dead, Abigail carts him back off to her house, where her magic keeps him alive so he can feel himself rot. And she holds his cellphone to his face so he can call his buddies and sepulchrally recite a charming little folksy-feeling rhyme, whose first line is, “Do you know what it’s like when you’re dead and rotting?” And as victims are added, their undead voices are added to the chorus with each recitation.
Carving your pumpkins the day after Halloween? And you call yourself a pagan!
Boy, if the reappearing Asher didn’t have an ex-wife who was also heavily into the occult, Hollis’d be right up the creek, wouldn’t he?
It’s not an earth-shattering movie, but so many things were done right. The music, for example; it’s a perfect blend of rural tunes with a slight country tinge, without going right into the twangy belt-buckles-and-big-hats stuff that I absolutely despise.
And the acting ranges from okay to just plain perfect. Debbie Rochon especially is in rare form here. I’ve always thought her attractive in an objective sense, but everything else I’ve seen her in has her acting either business-like or insane. Here, though, she has scenes where she’s alternately seductive and cuddly-cute — and boy, she sizzles.
“Great, it’s even humming. If Angus Scrimm shows up, I’m outta here.”
Best of all, the movie feels comfortable with its budget. I’ve remarked before that some of Danny Draven’s movies exhibit a palpable tension between creative urges and financial resources (Hell Asylum being most obvious). Usually I take that as a good thing, letting the viewer know that those involved had artistic intentions that go beyond what makes it to the screen. In this case, though, the pull of the budget just doesn’t show. The movie doesn’t seem truncated or downsized, despite being a nine-day, $40,000 shoot. Locations and characters seem determined by the needs of the story instead of the tight budget. I’m sure that an increased budget would have been a relief to the crew and a reward to the cast, but I can’t think of much that would have changed on-screen. The finished package looks as if it’s exactly what Barton wanted.
Kudos to all involved.
Exclusive bonus! Courtesy of David Barton, for the first time anywhere (as far as I know — ignorance isn’t just an excuse, it’s one of my best excuses), the complete “Dead & Rotting” rhyme:
Do you know what happens when you’re dead and rotting?
Your flesh turns putrid and your clothes start spotting.
Your belly bloats up, your guts turn to chum.
Your eyeballs turn purple, like over-ripe plums.
The flies crawl in and the maggots pour out,
The big ones eat hearty and grow very stout.
They eat your eyes; bore holes in your nose.
They eat your fingers, your privates, your toes.
A big red worm digs into your eye.
Devouring your brains like cerebellum pie.
Your skin turns black with a putrefaction gleam,
Pus drips from your pores like whipping cream.
Yes, it’s no fun being rotting and dead.
It’s no fun at all, enough has been said.
Some Notable Totables:
- body count: 5
- breasts: 4
- explosions: 0
- dream sequences: 1
- ominous thunderstorms: 0
- actors who’ve appeared on Star Trek: 1
- Stephen O’Mahoney (Hollis) played “Med Tech” in the Voyager episode “Critical Care”
