Bleak Future (1997)

Posted on Jul 02, 2003 under Comedy, Sci-fi |

Directed by Brian O’Malley
Written by Brian O’Malley and Steven Darancette
Starring
- Frank Kowal
- Brad Rockhold
- Wendie Newcomb
- Rob Cunningham
- Steven Kowal
Produced by Steven Darancette

This movie is further support for my friend Chris’ thesis, which I’ve mentioned several time around this site: The premise for any movie can be turned into a comedy by putting the words “Wackiness ensues when…” at the start. Despite that, post-apocalyptic comedies are few and far between; in fact, the only other ones I can think of offhand are Hell Comes to Frogtown (more of a tongue-in-cheek action/adventure than a pure comedy) and Six-String Samurai. (I’m speaking, obviously, of intentionally humorous movies, not movies so pathetic and piss-poor that they can inspire nothing but derisive laughter. There’s no shortage of the latter.)

I think the main reason for this is that comedy is what happens to other people. Everything from a banana peel-induced pratfall to a first visit with a fiancee’s parents is funny only if you aren’t currently sharing that situation. Put a person in traction, or schedule a trip to the intended’s home for the coming weekend, and suddenly the comedy loses its yuks. Comedy isn’t funny when it’s us.

“And boy, does he hate it when I stick a Q-Tip up his nose.”

And during the main boom of post-apocalytic adventure movies in mid-’80s, it WAS us. The threat of mutually-assured destruction was keeping many an American awake at night. No one would have been able to see the funny side of it, because during the days of nuclear brinksmanship, there WAS no funny side to it. (Come for the movie reviews; stay for the psychoanalysis of Western culture!)

And by the time the Soviet crumbled and foreign relations weren’t based on a philosophy of perfectly balanced antagonism, the trend had passed. The glut of bottom-scraping post-apoc adventures at the local video store had buried any innovation in the subgenre, as well as all viewer enthusiasm. The field was too played out to sustain a parodic or satirical version. People by and large just weren’t interested anymore.

But fans eagerly go where the general populace fears to tread (or simply doesn’t want to), which means that eventually there would necessarily be at least a couple of comedic takes on the tropes and cliches of the genre.

“Body condom or not, the answer is No.”

The protagonist of Bleak Future goes by the name of Slangman (Frank Kowal), a bearded and bespectacled wanderer in a world that greatly resembles Death Valley. Actually, rather than a wanderer, he’s more of a traveling salesman — but what he’s selling is information! He has, to the best of his (and anyone else’s) knowledge, the last book in existence: a dictionary. And for a price (usually measured in batteries or some other commodities), he’ll tell you what a word means. Granted, it’s usually a word he’s used just to fish for customers, but hey, you gotta create a market, right? He supplements that with other found objects for sale: egg beaters, Pepsi cans, etc.

When one local mutant lord (with an extra face growing out the side of his head) makes the obvious leap — that he ought to just get his hands on the book, instead of dealing with the middle man — Slangman find himself on the receiving end of a mutant ass-whupping, and the only thing that saves him is –

– a mute Scotsman (Brad Rockhold). How could you dislike any movie with a mute Scotsman sidekick?

I want my MTV!!

Said Scotsman, after whupping the whuppers, gives Slangman a valuable artifact: A beat-up golden CD. Slangman instantly recognizes it as coming from The Source, the fabled library and repository of all pre-apocalypse knowledge. And being something of a knowledge-worshipper (all right, he’s a knowledge geek), he immediately sets out northward to find the source of the CD, with the grunting Scotsman in tow. (He dubs the Scotsman “Atlatl,” after his proficiency with spears. Never let a pseudo-intellectual name a Scot.)

Their journey takes them through the homes of hostile tribes, as tradition dictates. Well, “hostile” may not be the word for it. The only people they encounter are “nomads” that don’t appear to travel anywhere; they just stand around wearing cloth-paper cleansuits, speaking in fake Cockney accents and acting grotesquely stupid. But that’s okay, because Slangman and Atlatl’s true danger is behind them: a black-clad mutant, Atlatl’s former master, who wants the golden CD. (Boy, wouldn’t they all be surprised if it just turned out to be a home-burned collection of alternative MP3s or a warez copy of PhotoShop?)

Also following in tradition’s footsteps, they find themselves at the only commercial establishment to be surviving in the wasteland. That’s right. A bar. And there, Slangman beholds a vision of loveliness — a blonde airhead named Femme (Wendie Newcomb) performing on stage in a little two-woman dramatic scene that lacks the thespian merits of a preschool graduation. (I’ve been to a preschool graduation recently. I know.) But blind to her inadequacies, he purchases her from her partner for a Twinkie. (Go ahead. Tell me you wouldn’t trade just about anything for the last Twinkie in the world.) She’s kinda like “Whatever” about the arrangement, which really isn’t bad as slavery goes; he really just wants to admire her and stuff.

“Mmm… Creamy filling!”

Until he discovers that the blonde hair is a wig. Then he’s repulsed by her. Atlatl, on the other hand, gets a sudden case of the hots. Such is love in the post-atomic world.

Things get increasingly surreal as the movie goes on. Part of it is a direct outgrowth of technical limitations; the Super 8 filmstock on which the movie was shot varies wildly in hue. The sound, while always (mercifully) audible, also varies, with some scenes sounding like they were recorded on a wax cylinder.

But that’s nothing compared with what the plot does. Along with their increasingly strange interpersonal squabbles, the threesome also encounters a beatnik holy man (Steven Kowal) who knows all about their quest and warns them in the strongest possible stoner terms against seeking The Source. Also on the trail of The Source is Dr. Obvious (Rob Cunningham), a zoosuited mastermind with an… um… interesting haircut. Don’t forget that mutant on their tail, either. Eventually, it all comes down to a whole lotta violence, and Slangman in latex lingerie.

“What did I tell you about raiding Zsa-Zsa’s wardrobe?”

I’m not the only reviewer to be reminded of Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste, not just because of the low budget, but because of the energy and enthusiasm on the part of both cast and crew that shines through the technical limitations. Not that Bleak Future is nearly as memorably extreme as Bad Taste, but I’d like to think that the people who fell in love with Peter Jackson before Dead Alive and later films brought him into the international spotlight would also see a lot to appreciate in Bleak Future despite the technical demerits.

Which leads me to one of those ambiguous, inconclusive conclusions. (And I don’t even have the excuse of being a post-modernist.) I enjoyed this movie. I understand, though, that a lot of people wouldn’t. And I do have to admit that, in the inevitable comparison between Bleak Future and Six-String Samurai, the latter is clearly the superior movie, both in inspired premise and in technical execution. But if you a) have seen plenty of post-apocalyptic movies, b) have enjoyed those movies, and c) have enjoyed making fun of those movies, you’ll probably be able to see and appreciate the merits of Bleak Future.

August 2006 Update: Brian O’Malley has recently put together a fully-loaded DVD for Bleak Future, and brother, it’s entirely worth it; I try to review movies with a presentation-blind mindset, but the improvements here minimized my complaints and accentuated the pleasure of the viewing experience. The footage has been color-corrected (within reason — it’s still Super-8 film stock, which is part of its charm; I updated the screencaps above from the DVD), and the dialogue track was re-recorded in its entirety, with the complete original cast (less one) returning to voice their parts. Plus two commentaries, deleted scenes, outtakes, photo galleries, production diary, the entire shooting script, and MP3s of the full soundtrack… And a back-cover quote from yours truly. Available only from Anarchy 101, and you won’t regret it.