Lords of the Deep (1989)

Directed by Mary Ann Fisher Written by Howard R. Cohen Starring Prisilla Barnes Stephen Davies Bradford Dillman Roger Corman Produced by Roger Corman Sometimes there are movies made that are just… well, bland. Not bad enough for you to stare drop-jawed at the television and mutter, “Who actually thought this was a good idea?” Rather, with these movies you yawn, cock your head at the screen, and mutter, “How did this ever get finished without…

Image of the Beast (1981)

Produced and directed by Donald W. Thompson Starring William Wellman, Jr. Susan Plumb Patty Dunning Remember a couple of months ago, when a bunch (or, if you prefer, a posse) of us b-movie webmasters got together and coordinated reviews of The Brain From Planet Arous? While we had tons of fun, we realized that there was a lot of eye-glazing, as readers found themselves subjected to seven linked reviews of the same movie. But we…

Child’s Play 2 (1990)

Directed by John Lafia Written by Don Mancini Starring Alex Vincent Jenny Agutter Gerrit Graham Christine Elise Brad Dourif Produced by David Kirschner The biggest problem with most horror sequels is how to bring the wisecracking titular bad guy back from what was pretty certain destruction at the end of the last movie. If you can get audiences to swallow a bolt of lightning, a flame-pissing dog, or “just ‘cuz,” then the movie will proceed…

<i>3 Evil Tales</i> (1999)

3 Evil Tales (1999)

Written, produced and directed by Ryan Cavalline Starring Scott Surra Rich Williams Nathan Assalone 4th Floor Pictures kindly sent me a copy of 3 Evil Tales, their flagship anthology video. Since there really is no connection or framing device between the three segments, I’ll go ahead and give each its own mini-review. Each one was written, directed, and produced by (and features) Ryan Cavalline, the one-man-band behind 4th Floor. Dead Body Man The plot: An…

Bimbo Movie Bash (1997)

No real director(s) or writer(s) Starring Adrienne Barbeau Joe Estevez Morgan Fairchild Shannon Tweed This movie is incredibly dumb. I’m actually tempted to end my review right there, lest I end up putting more thought into the review than the “filmmakers” (i.e., editors) did into the actual video. Nevertheless: The idea behind this video was to take footage from several bimbo movies (notably those available from Charles Band’s Cult Video label) and splice them together…

Skinned Alive (1989)

Written and directed by Jon Killough Starring Mary Jackson Scott Spiegel Susan Rothacker Floyd Ewing Jr. Produced by J.R. Bookwalter Within the next month or two, Tempe Entertainment will be releasing the remastered tenth anniversary edition of Skinned Alive; the screener copy I got was a “pre-release” version from the remastered 16mm originals but with the sound not yet remastered. The premise is a natural for “outlaw” video: The crazy Crawldaddy family (somewhere between the…

Pi (1998)

Written and directed by Darren Aronofsky Starring Sean Gullette Mark Margolis Ben Shenkman Pamela Hart Stephen Pearlman Preamble #1: When I was in my early teens and first decided I wanted to be a writer, I conceived a tale of a man who started to understand. He understood completely, perfectly, wholly, one little infinitesmal part of the world. And then he found that, because he understood that, be started understanding everything around it. And then…

Royal Warriors (1986)

aka Wong Ga Jin Si, aka In the Line of Duty, aka Police Assassins Directed by David Chung Written by Sammy Tsang Starring “Michelle Khan” (Michelle Yeoh) Michael Wong Hiroyuki Sanada Hong Kong sometimes astounds me. It’s one itty-bitty city (in the grand scheme of things), yet it’s managed to find a cinematic product to call its own, one for which it’s recognized worldwide. If a video store is going to have any section devoted…

Nail Gun Massacre (1987)

Directed by Bill Leslie and Terry Lofton Written and produced by Terry Lofton Starring Rocky Patterson Ron Queen Michelle Meyer Most slasher films are cliched, right? No one would argue with that. But the cliched ones are actually the middle of the bell curve. Those above the bell are those which use originality and inventiveness to create something more than a cliche. Those below the bell are made by people too stupid to make use…

Zipperface (1992)

Produced and directed by Mansour Pouormand Written by Barbara Bishop Starring Dona Adams David Clover John Dagnen An interesting little hybrid here — an independently made slasher flick which, while not original, shows an overabundance of compentence. Policewoman Lisa Ryder (Dona Adams) is promoted to Detective through the machinations of the mayor, who’s desperately trying to get ahead in the polls for the upcoming election, and set to work with an experienced detective on some…

<i>Slipstream</i> (1989)

Slipstream (1989)

Directed by Steven Lisberger Written by Tony Kayden Starring Bob Peck Mark Hamill Kitty Aldridge Bill Paxton Produced by Gary Kurtz Of the principal (recognizable) actors of Star Wars, you could say that only Harrison Ford went on to bigger and better things on-screen. Carrie Fisher has largely confined herself to supporting roles; Billy Dee Williams has done a string of low-budget action and cop flicks; and Mark Hamill… Mark Hamill has paid the bills…

Spectre (1996)

aka House of the Damned Directed by Scott P. Levy Written by Brendan Broderick Starring Greg Evigan Alexandra Paul Briana Evigan Eamon Draper Produced by Mary Ann Fisher Executive produced by Roger Corman and Lance H. Robbins Ah, the haunted house movie. Is there any subgenre in horror more like a sonnet? The length and breadth are well-defined, the tropes visible for all to see, but within those strictures the writer and director are free…

Castle of Death (1971)

aka La Plus Longue Nuit du Diable, aka The Devil’s Nightmare, aka The Devil Walks at Midnight Directed by Jean Brismee Written by Jean Brismee and Charles Lecocq Starring Erika Blanc Jean Servais Daniel Emilfork Produced by Charles Lecocq Although this film is more readily available these days under the title The Devil’s Nightmare, as recently re-released by from Redemption, I watched it as Castle of Death, released as Volume 5 of “Facing All Death”…

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation (1990)

Directed by Brian Yuzna Written by Woody Keith Starring Clint Howard Neith Hunter Tommy Hinckley Reggie Bannister You know, I’ve got a feminist pagan friend who would utterly despise this movie, for reasons above and beyond those for which I despise it. I got that sinking feeling during the opening credits; music by Richard Band (brother to Charles); production manager Gary Schmoeller, who’s made a career of producing losers like Albert Pyun’s turkeys. These, I…

Brain From Planet Arous, The (1958)

Directed by “Nathan Hertz” (Nathan Juran) Written by Ray Buffum Starring John Agar Joyce Meadows Robert Fuller Thomas Browne Henry Dale Tate Produced by Jacques R. Marquette Howdy! In case you haven’t heard, this is Brainathon ’99 — a collaboration of several of the best b-review sites on the web to inundate you with reviews for a specific movie of dubious quality. You can find other reviews for Brainathon ’99 at Jabootu’s Bad Movie Dimension,…

Evil Streets (1998)

Directed by Terry R. Wickham and Joseph F. Parda Starring SeRenna Lee Joseph Zaso Nicole Bryl Tina Krause Produced by Terry R. Wickham, Joseph Zaso and Joseph F. Parda This shot-on-video anthology was recently handed off to me for review by Manta Ray Pictures. I hope I’ll be forgiven for some spoilers. The beauty of the anthology film is that the same economy which applies in short stories applies here. Depth or complexity is not…

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