From: tms3
Subject: RE: The Little Vampire
Date sent: Thu, 20 Feb 2003
You ask:
“are there really empty castles sitting around for temporary housing?”
Well the last time I was in England, the answer is yes. I mean they lacked the To Let signs (it’s actually funny seeing these signs on buildings in London because they’re written To let, real close together and it looks like Toilet…hehehe…O.K. you had to be there), but there are quite a number of unihabitted castles and what not in the countryside. Particularly…it seems to this tourist…in Wales, and in and around and north of York. That was 10 years ago, so maybe they’ve all been bulldozed (yellow) and black topped, but it’s not far fetched that a wealthy (old-money aristocratic) family in Great Britain has some unused housing in an old castle or manor. However, said property if unsused would not be in great condition-as in modern amenities like heating, toilets, and non-leaking roofs would not be available.
Thought you might like to know.
TMS III
Hmm… I think I know where I’ll go for my sabbatical, then.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: KosmicKat
Subject: Jack & The Witch
Date sent: Tue, 18 Feb 2003Thank you a million times!I too had thought that I was just about the only living being that knew about Jack and the Witch. I saw it a bunch of times when I was in my teens on a local channel down in So. Cal. and never again. I’ve only seen one other mention of it outside of your site, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I kept a terrible home-made recording of that bizzare little song that Harvey sings with the animals for years and years. I hope it comes out someday with the English dubbing, because I’d lay my money down so fast it would make a harpy’s head turn!I remember part of another anime film around the same time that involved a young dark haired girl/woman who was dressed sort of Indian/Eskimo in style and it was in a snowy region. She had some sort of wolf, I believe and I remember a scene where she was singing some sort of song while on a swing. I wish I could find out that one, but that’s about all I have.
Thanks again for bringing back some wonderful memories!
Kat Snow
Once again, I’m amazed by how many people had similar experiences with Jack and the Witch. I think we need a support group.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: “The Leader”
Subject: Strangely Affected My Life In A Good Way
Date sent: Sat, 15 Feb 2003Dear Nathan/Mr. Shumate (I’m 18, I’ve got to big up some respect for my elders. I also have to stop adopting faux-homeboy mannerisms. Yo. Dogg. Sorry.),I don’t know why I felt compelled to write this, and my pointless ramblings will probably bore you, but I’ll try to keep the random rants (ohhh, alliteration)I live in Australia, (that’s the continent with the drunken indigenous population, even more drunken european (i.e. White) population and the undefended northern coastline and the Prime Minister who thinks he is George Dubya’s lapdog… Oh wait, this is turning into a political rant. An uninformed political rant at that.)
I would like to offer my condolscenes at the loss of your job, and any other problems that may have arisen, judging by Etched In Stone. For a long time I have enjoyed reading Cold Fusion Video and I randomly clicked on Etched In Stone, your weblog (I am NOT GOING TO WRITE BLOG. Oh wait, I just did.)
The first post… “I lost my job today.”
That made my generally cliched angsty half-depressed half-joyful teenager self perk up. (That was sarcasm. But by writing, ‘that was sarcasm’ I sort of ruin it, don’t I? *Grits teeth and tries to imagine a time when inflection could be communicated with words more easily. Fails.*)
Anyway, I was going to write an email and ramble pointlessly at that time, but I thought it would just annoy you, but then you wrote of the support, so I figured I put my two bob in. Not that Australians would use such an English term.
Uh….
Anyway, point to my letter…
For all my life I have lived across the road from a Mormon church. It is less then 15 metres away, outside my window right now, with nicely mowed lawn and a giant white pillar thing and a heritage (Pink, I might add… Who paints a church pink? No offence. I’d use a winky smiley, but I’d feel too much of a net geek.)
My best friend (or at least one of those few ‘true friends’ you find in life), who I have known all of my life, was born into the Mormon life, and he, and his three siblings, have attended the chruch religiously (pun intended) for every Sunday for the last 18 years.
Mormons are of course the source of much mocking in Australia, (most people here are too inbred around here to distinguish between a Jehovah’s Witness and a Mormon. But then again, it is rural outback northern Australia. What do you expect? We’re convicts.) Why are they mocked? Well, not being a ‘major’ religion in this area, as in the Angicans and Catholics far outweight them. And when understanding is not garnered, ignorance tends to breed mild hatred.
Also, most people round here think that the Mormons are the ones who turn up on your back step trying to let Jesus into your life. Well, they don’t around here. But nontheless, I think that is the job of Mormon missionaries, from my limited understanding.
And even if they do, there;s no need to get the shotgun out and chase them away now is there? At least around here, people do. SOmeone knocks on your door, all you have to do is politely say no if your too ignorant to listen to what they want to impart. You don’t have to sick your Rottweiler on them.
But after all, it is Australia.
Anyway, once again I’ve sort of gone away from the point.
Your site has piqued my interest in the Mormon religion, and trough asking my friend and from garnering little tidbits from your writing I have come to understand the religion, and I quite like it.
It seems to be a lot closer to what my ideal of Christianity (is it Christianity? I don’t know… I think they all are, aren’t they? Shows my limited knowledge) It seems to be a lot more of a free worship, happy religion then the SMITE THIS SMITE THAT ALL GOING TO HELL stiff upper lippedness of the Catholics around here with their self made dogma, rather than the teachings of the bible. And the Anglicans. And the whatever else there is.
Anyway, that was a bit coherent, I’m trying to spurt this out quickly so I can get back to organising for Uni (I suppose you call it College?) in a few days.
Basically, I like the Mormon religion, your site helped pique my interest and understand it a bit better. Not that I was ever prejudiced in the first place.
But I have no animosity towards any religion, but in the last year or so I have been extremely depressed (not suicidally, mind you, just in a dark place, that I can’t pull out of… sixty percent of me is happy as, always on the look out for adventure, btu the other forty percent will not let up with the dark existential questions, the existence of God, whether there is a meaning, and a lot more complicated stuff that I won’t impart because some of it is new ways of looking at old problems and could potentially depress someone else. I don’t mean to sound self-righteous.)
But your site, and your references to your religion (I am not affiliated with any paticular sect or anything, but am Christian. I think. Anyway, I believe (I think) in the God that all the Christian religions believe in. I think. Geez. Now I’m confused. I really hope this is at least slightly coherent,) have helped me in some ways with dark thoughts because It is good to be surrounded by people on both sides of the spectrum. Around here there are a lot of atheists, hicks, pessimists without the funny cynicism, rednecks, racists, etc. so I am surrounded by ignorant people.
Your writing helps represent the other side of the spectrum, and also informs me of great B-Movies.
Thank You d0od. (I just had to add the attempt at l33t speak.)
This was incoherent and quickly written. Sorry, to recap what I was trying to say (I am tired. Very tired.) -
1. Helped me understand Mormonism (is that even a word.)
2. Helped me by presenting faith based undercurrents, which is refreshing.
Of course, I dont know you, and for all I know you could be one of those religious people who doesn’t actually believe in God or anything, but it doesn’t seem like it.
Also, I’m a budding film maker. (Aren’t we all?)
If I ever actually bother to start making said films, I would be honoured if you would view them.
Also, just for pointless reasons, I’m quite fit, quite tall and don’t look like a mouldy sponge. Just so you don’t think this is some D & D worshipping pasty white geek who never gets out of his chair. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
… Now I’m sounding pretentious again.
I better shut it and get back to shovelling cattle excrement into the back of a ute now then. Life is fun.
Thanks for your time.
P.S. When I started writing this I had a firm coherent point about your site being cool and offering more then just B-Movie reviews. Then I started to ramble.
Maybe I should start planning structures before I start writing or something. ;-)
P.P.S I just had to add Winky Smiley.
I… am having trouble phrasing a reply. (Any surprise?)
I’m glad that what I present of my faith has come across positively. (For the record, yes, I’m a believer as well as an adherent.) Heaven only knows where I’d be without it.
I appreciate the well-wishes on the employment search. I’m hoping that this is one of those blessings in disguise I hear so much about.
Take care,
Nathan
From: Gregory Arden
Subject: Child’s Play 2
Date sent: Thu, 6 Feb 2003Hello. I’ve been an avid reader of your reviews–I Stand Alone and Being Different were the best, not to mention most insightful(I’ve seen both movies–yes, both; and yes, I am taking anti-depressants)reviews. I just have one little problem.I just recently read your review of Child’s Play 2. I’ve seen the movie numerous times[on TV], and I have the DVD. I am a huge fan of the Child’s Play series, and I was just a bit miffed at your review of the movie in the subject header.Yes, you are absolutely right: You do have to leave your brain at the door. But isn’t that true for most movies? I mean, it’s not like Godzilla, or The Killer Refrigerator, or Predator, or Dollman, or, hell, even The Toxic Avenger make sense or have any reason at all. How often do you see a five-story bi-pedal Japanese lizard walking around? How often do you see men three inches tall? When’s the last time you’ve seen an amusement park filled with living dinosaurs(Jurassic Park)? Or, perhaps, when is the last time a comet has passed in Earth’s general vicinity, causing mechanical objects to go hay-wire(Maximum Overdrive)?
Alls I’m saying, is that the reason movies were made were–at least in my mind–to check your brain, or at least your reality, at the door. This is just another one of them(movies, that is).
Now, I am a big Chucky fan. It pains me to see movies get negative reviews like that. But I do not hold grudges. I still like your site, and I still love your writing. The fact that you seem so experienced in various different jobs, and an over-all, well-to-do person, is quite impressive to me. Good luck to your site. I hope that all the bad movies you see in the future will not make you vomit(at least, unless you see The Alien Dead). Thank you.
A Big Fan,
Gregory “Darkman” Arden
P.S.: There was this really bad movie I saw called Alien Predator. I know what your thinking: This is a rip-off of The Andromeda Strain with added gore. You are so right. Check it out.
Well, any rebuttal I make will of necessity be a bit foggy due to the years since I watched and reviewed the movie, but here’s the gist of it:
In a lot of movies, the major incongruity — the thing that requires your suspension of disbelief — is the initial premise. I.e., you go into a Chucky movie knowing it’s about a possessed doll; if you can’t accept that, don’t watch it.
However, when OTHER unbelievables are heaped up — and not fantastic ones, but simple “script convenience” ones — that’s when it gets hard to swallow.
(‘Course, now I’ll have to go back and read the review to see if I’m even talking about the right thing.)
Thanks,
Nathan
From: PoseidnAdv
Subject: Your review of “The Apple“…
Date sent: Mon, 3 Feb 2003…is fantastic – “How did Golan even convince Globus?” – CLASSIC LINEDon’t know if you even care – but Showtime Beyond channel is showing it in February – a newish print and all new pan-n-scanning! You can actually see the horror from appropriate angles! Apparently MGM now owns the rights (maybe of the entire Cannon canon?) so who knows – a letterboxed version on DVD might even be on the horizon :-)Take care and thanks – Jim
Every once in a while, I think I’ve seen every possible sign of The End Of Civilization As We Know It, and every time, I’m shown one more…
Thanks,
Nathan
From: “Robert Chapin”
Subject: Dragon Fury
Date sent: Fri, 31 Jan 2003Hey buddy – it’s the tall blond mullet from the future here…I just had to say – damn funny stuff! I’m actually quite flattered that someone went so far as to not only watch the whole show (not to mention the sequel), but take detailed notes how incredibly stupid both films were. I’m quite impressed! And your review is quite possibly the most fun I ever got out of those films. And yes, I tried to tell them – I tried, I tried…But I did manage to come away with a few good stories. Like how on the last day of shooting the second film there still wasn’t an ending (much less a script) but all Heavener wanted was a car flip and explosion, I was originally supposed to chase after this car on foot but found a horse stable next door (next to one of the easily-visible residential dwellings) and since we were shooting this as a comedy, I didn’t mind throwing a line to the camera saying “Well now that’s convenient” before jumping onto a fully saddled horse (which was lost with a ton of other funny stuff in the final cut because David didn’t think it was funny even when I told him it works for Jackie Chan to which he replied “Who? I don’t know him – he can’t be any good”). But then the fire deprtment showed up because they hadn’t obtained a permit to blow up a car in the middle of canyon country and the producer Soly Bina (who I blame most of everything on) decided not to pay the guy who owned the ranch we were shooting at and the guy pulls out a shotgun and holds the entire production company hostage until the police show up.
The cameras were just pointing the wrong way.
But seriously, thanks for the laugh. And BTW, I still have the mullet. You can find me and my mullet online at www.robertchapin.com. These days I also have my own online no-budget internet show called “The Hunted” (www.thehunted.tv) which you might also find amusing.
Bob
Oh, thank God. I saw your name in my inbox and feared you were going to be one of those people who whine about bad reviews of your hard efforts… It’s so refreshing that you’ve got a sense of humor about the whole thing.
I will trumpet to the world that you, and the mullet, are alive and well.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: KIrons
Subject: Jack and the Witch
Date sent: Thu, 16 Jan 2003Thank you, thank you, thank you. My haunted-life experience exactly mirrors yours. This movie has been in my head since I was a little girl and I’ve spent so long trying to find it. Even after I had learned the correct title, I was unable to locate a copy of it. I was sure I would never be able to watch it again. You have given me peace of mind (at least where Japanese anime is concerned).Thank you again,
Kymba
You know, I’ve never heard of a movie that has HAUNTED so many people, judging from the e-mail I’ve gotten. What an incredibly odd phenomenon.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: Rick Popko
Subject: Thanks!
Date sent: Thu, 09 Jan 2003Hey, Nathan, just wanted to drop you a note to say thank you for the Monsturd review. It had me cracking up! Re: “…When nobody bothers to include “this role played by this actor” credits on either the video or the website.” That is a big “doh!” on our part. We have since tried to fix that dilemma by including the main actors and the parts they play in our press kit. It’s too late to do it for the credits of the movie, as it’s in Spectrum Films’ hands right now. But you are correct Beth West played Agent Hannigan, Paul Weiner played Sheriff Duncan, Dan West and I played the two bumbling deputies (I was the one who beat up the ventriloquist dummy). Dan Burr played Dr. Stern. Dan Ellis played Dr. Johnny Waters, and Timm Carney played Timmy, and Mark Pirro played the police sketch artist. And thank you for the last line in the review. It was Jack Frost that actually inspired us to do Monsturd. Dan and I love good bad movies (Flash Gordon, Can’t Stop the Music, Dolemite…). When we saw Jack Frost in the video store I about wet myself then and there. Dan and I rented it and ran home to watch it right away. We got about an hour into it and I looked at Dan and said, “Is it me, or is this movie awful?” And awful in a bad bad way. When we finished it I was livid. “How could someone botch a movie about a killer snowman so badly!?” I mean, it obviously had decent production values and a distributor behind it. So, long story short I was so pissed that I had paid money to see this thing and that someone could actually get it into video stores, I said to myself, “You (meaning Hollywood) want to release shit like Jack Frost?! How about a movie about a giant shit monster? How would you like that?” In a fit of rage I penned the first 25 pages of the script and showed them to Dan. Dan balked at first and said, “No way.” Then about a month or so later, Dan called me up again and said, “You know that Idea you had about the shitmonster?… I think we can do it.” We then hashed out the script—the second half of which was tossed and rewritten as we were filming. As of this writing we’re signed with Spectrum and have an April 8 release date. Now it’s on to the next one…Thanks again for the very funny review!-Rick
Woo-hoo! That’s priceless!
I’ll do an edit to include actor credits.
Keep up the good work!
Nathan
From: Wirewolf3
Subject: Vagina Monologues
Date sent: Sat, 11 Jan 2003Funny thing– in your review of Monsturd (I don’t believe I just typed that. You must get that feeling a lot.), you say that no one will ever want another talking vagina movie. A reasonable assumption, to be sure, but I’m here to tell ya it just ain’t so.I’ve never seen Chatterbox, but I first learned of its existence over two decades ago from its mention in THE GOLDEN TURKEY AWARDS. It is, I’ll admit, a difficult concept to forget once you’ve heard it. So you can imagine my shock when only two weeks ago, I stumbled across the description of Pussy Talk at Trashpalace.com. Yup. Pussy Talk. Same basic concept, way less clever title. And apparently, it’s available in both R- and X-Rated versions.How did this happen? Damned if I know. Maybe, like the producers of Chatterbox, the fiends responsible for this saw Deep Throat and thought it’d be terrific to make a movie that reverses Throat’s legendary premise. Or maybe they saw Chatterbox and thought “That’s awful! I could make a better talking vagina movie in my sleep!” Or maybe God just hates us.
Nevertheless, my discovery of this thing has compelled me to warn anyone who’ll listen, all the while feeling a little like Carl Kolchak: “I’m not making this up! You’ve got to believe me! There really IS a second talking vagina movie!!!” They laugh, the blind fools, little suspecting the horror that lurks nearby. Well, they’ll learn soon enough.
You– you do believe me, don’t you?
Don’t you?
YOU’RE NEXT!!!YOU’RE NEXT!!!!!
Best,
James W. Fry
Well… Um… That’s just what the world needed.
Bizarro-World, that is.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: KJBLEU
Subject: Jack and the Witch
Date sent: Mon, 06 Jan 2003Enjoyed your review of Jack and the Witch. I had the same experience trying to remember this film! (and eventually got it from Cool Stuff, too) It sounds like Allegra’s dubbed voice is the same as Trixie from Speed Racer, so as a kid I immediately fell in love with her, even though she was a harpy!Ed Miller
It’d be interesting to find out how many of us pre-adolescent boys got a crush on her. Though even finding people who remember the movie is enough of a chore.
From: Carl Fink
Subject: Sunglasses in RETURN OF THE CHEYENNE KID
Date sent: Thu, 2 Jan 2003I always enjoy reading your reviews. However, I can’t escape the personality trait that made me buy nitpicking.com.You might want to tell the Hieratic Head that while “sunglasses” per se are recent, tinted lenses go back at least to Victorian times. I can’t tell what Wild Bill is wearing in the movie (since you don’t show him in your vidcaps) but green- or brown-tinted lenses actually wouldn’t be out of place.I have now nitpicked Ken Begg, Lyz Kingsley, “Dante Alighieri” of Dante’s Inferno, and yourself. Apparently my new hobby is reviewing movie reviews.
–
Carl “nitpicking@nitpicking.com” Fink
This is true. However, tinted lenses (not intended to for glare protection, but for vision correction) were something for the upper echelons of society (right along with pince-nezes and lorgnettes) — not something to be found on a wild westerner’s nose. The first rare but commercially available sunglasses (intended for outdoor use) were in the 1910’s, with any sort of widespread distribution coming only in the late 1920’s (and even then, they didn’t catch on for another decade).
Nathan
[DeVerne Jones also tried to call me on the same pseudo-mistake. To both of them I say, "O ye of little faith -- heed the Head!"]
From: italininja
Subject: Evil Dead Trilogy
Date sent: Tue, 31 Dec 2002Hey Nathan,I really enjoy your site. Your reviews are quite impressive, I like the way you see things. I’m personally a big fan of Six String Samurai. Anyway, I was wondering why you don’t review any of the Evil Dead Trilogy. I know it may not be a B movie necessarily but they are great cult classics. Besides the fact that Ash has got to be one of the greatest heroes of all time, and likewise Evil Ash one of the best villains. I would truly enjoy reading a review of any of those films (Army of Darkness especially of course). Thanks for having such an interesting site.Damien
Thanks. Believe me, the trilogy is on the list of roughly 10,000 movies to review before I die. In other words, I’ll get to it sometime, depending on medical technology.
Nathan
From: “Scott Hart”
Subject: Nathan -Nice job! New design!
Date sent: Fri, 27 Dec 2002Nathan,I am the guy who wrote you the short email about how much I liked your review for American Movie (even though it took me a bit to come around) anyway -your site looks great. Keep up the good work -keep updating it… people like me THRIVE on your writing and don’t let you know often enough. Would you consider a “request” for a review? Just curious…TsH
I’d “consider” it — but only to the extent that I already own it, or am likely to run across it while renting something else. (The list of movies I want to watch and review has crossed the 10,000-title mark.)
Thanks,
Nathan
From: “Drew Simms”
Subject: The Beyond
Date sent: Fri, 27 Dec 2002Hi there,I’ve been reading your page fairly avidly lately and must say that your reviews are both humourous and on occasions insightful. Your review of The Beyond (7 Doors of Death, whatever. The movie has like 80 titles) was definately hampered by the copy of the movie that you have though. They’ve released it on DVD with what seems to be a relatively complete version of the film that filled a lot of the gaps that you mentioned. Might want to check it out, don’t make the same mistake that I did though, buying it for $45 Canadian (!!) then finding it at Future Shop for $18 grrrr.Btw, I read a number of horror/b movie pages and none of them review David Cronenbergs flicks. You don’t have any up there either. Any particular reason? I grew up just down the road from him and enjoyed several of his movies including Rabid and Shivers but nobody else seems to have heard of them.
Drew Simms
Thanks. I intend to get around to the restored Beyond, as well as the collected works of Cronenberg, but there’s one fact hampering both: The list of movies I want to see before I die has now passed the 10,000-title mark. (Medical technology damned well better get off its ass and assure me immortality.)
Nathan
From: Kristopher Anderson
Subject: Hi.
Date sent: Fri, 27 Dec 2002This is just a note to say that I enjoy your site. It’s refreshing to read reviews of the movies I love (or hate to love, or love to hate…it’s love either way) that are intelligent, insightful and educated.The section on dime-store novels is great as well. I have a treasure trove of sci-fi paperbacks culled from various Goodwill stores that deserve some sort of mention. If you are ever in need of some “B-books”, let me know. I am also curious as to whether you would entertain a guest review or two. I don’t an english degree, but as an actor in and director of b-horror plays, I do love to write and I count horror film history as a passion. Let me know what you think.Granted, you can’t make a judgement without an example. I could send a review stating that Pyun is a genius. heh heh. Let me know if you would like a sample review. Anyway, kudos with the site and keep grinning.B-sincerely,Kristopher Anderson
Thanks for the compliments. I’m not currently looking for guest reviews (the Hieratic Head gets nervous with other people, and sometimes pees on the carpet), but I’ve got a Reader Review section in which you’re more than welcome to contribute.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: Kirsten Hallingstad
Subject: re: Jack and the Witch
Date sent: Sun, 22 Dec 2002Dear Nathan,I read your review of Jack and the Witch last night after doing a search on Google for the obscure film that has haunted me since I was 8 or so. I just wanted to tell you that I had a similar experience with it.I saw it on TV in about 1970 or so, and it has, sorry to be redundant, haunted me ever since. I did remember the title, but I really couldn’t remember anything else about it, except that it was the coolest thing I had ever seen, and I wanted to see it again. I have since become a big anime fan, especially 60s-70s anime from TV like Speed Racer. I was very excited during the 80s when videos of these became available. However, I never saw anything about Jack and the Witch. No one had ever even heard of it, except a friend of mine from Japan who had seen it in Japan as a kid around the same time I saw it.Several years ago I put up a query on some internet animation board (I can’t remember which one now) and after my question was up for about a year, someone referred me to Cool Stuff Videos for a copy. I never ordered one, and yet, every once in a awhile I would still think about Jack and the Witch. I eventually lost the address of Cool Stuff and gave up. It became sort of the ultimate “Holy Grail” rarity that I would never see.
Last night I was wandering aimlessly about the internet, when I suddenly got inspired to do a search for Jack and the Witch. I came across the animation cels at Anime-Cel.com, and though I was excited, they really didn’t ring any bells. But my interest was sparked once again. It really did exist!
Then I came across your review and marveled at the similarity of the experiences. Since I read your review (I skipped the spoiler part), I am now compelled to really order a copy once and for all and get it out of my system. This may sound funny, but I am almost afraid to, since I may be disappointed after 30 years. But I will get it for myself as a Christmas present and just be done with it.Thanks for listening.
-Kirsten
You may be disappointed (hey ,it happens), but I think you’ll also see what it was that hooked you on it in the first place. It’s a very interesting trip down a forgotten memory lane.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: “Joe Prisco”
Subject: warm fuzzies
Date sent: Sun, 15 Dec 2002
Dear Mr Shumate -Well, it is just past midnight, but why not drop you a note to say that your 7-03-02 review of horror staple Pumpkinhead is one of the more refreshing reads I’ve had in a while. For whatever reason, I’ve been running every movie I could think of through the Rotten Tomatoes site, just to see if their general conclusions could be trusted, and so encountered your review. It wasn’t all that long ago that I had a Saturday afternoon free, and Pumpkinhead 2 was scheduled. What the heck? Something about Saturday afternoons goes well with bad horror flicks. Iy sounded silly and I was in a couch potato mood.Never having seen the first Pumpkinhead, I merely enjoyed the fact that P2 wasn’t entirely terrible. But your review has piqued my interest, for a genre i avoid as a rule (never seen the Nightmare movies, and only two or three of the Fright Night/ Halloween/ Friday 13th movies). It isn’t every horror-movie review that has a word like ‘avatar’ in it (correctly used!), and I quite like the photo captions and miscellaneous ‘totables’. For the hieratic head of Ezra Pound, I am at a complete loss, but it strikes the right note of levity.Just thought you might appreciate a note of … uh, appreciation [hence my email title]. Now I’ve got to go to sleep, so I can watch Quills tomorrow and see if my friend was right about it having no redeeming value beyond Kate Winslet’s naked body. Hotcha!
Joe Prisco,
Movie watcher who net-surfs way too late
Thanks. “Refreshing” is one of the great compliments, actually, especially on a movie that IS a staple, and therefore hashed and rehashed endlessly. (I’ve yet to be able to explain the Hieratic Head myself — he showed up on my doorstep one day, holding his luggage without hands like a VeggieTales character, and said, “I’m moving in.” He matched the decor, so I said, “What the hey.”)
Thanks again,
Nathan
From: GLC64
Subject: review of ZOMBIE CHRONICLES
Date sent: Sat, 14 Dec 2002NathanJust wanted to thank you for an accurate and kind review of Zombie Chronicles (10/30/02). It’s good to know someone understands the technical limitations of the micro-budget, DV arena, and can see beyond the same to criticize the story, characters, acting, etc.Just wondering if you’ve had the chance to review Dead Seven yet? It’s another Brain Damage release, with about the same budget as ZC — but, I think, with a tighter story, fewer technical glitches, and some much better acting all around. Also — cinematography is top-notch (DP: Mike Mickens) and the music score original and fresh (Jon Greathouse). Of course, I cannot deny that the same writer from ZC also wrote Dead Seven (me!). I also direct and produce.
Thanks for your consideration. We micro-budget filmmakers can use all the publicity we can muster. Dead Seven avail. at Hollywood Video, or I could send you a copy (DVD or VHS).
Garrett Clancy
I haven’t had a chance to look at Dead Seven yet, but it’s on the list of 9000+ movies to see and review before I die.
Feel free to send along a screener, but I warn you, I have literally dozens of screener stacked up around here, so it might take me a while to get to it.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: OhBuggere
Subject: “Trouble Every Day”
Date sent: Thu, 12 Dec 2002Good review, even if I don’t quite agree with it. I do agree that the film has its boring stretches (quite a few, really), but the vicious and intensely disturbing murder setpieces make up for it. (I thought Vincent Gallo was quite good too, but then I’d watch him in practically anything.) At any rate, my purpose for writing is not to take you to task for a well-written review. Merely, I just wanna know… how exactly did a film with a review like that avoid a cold beaker? :-)
By the by, you should know that Gaspar Noe, the lovely young gent who created I Stand Alone has another film coming to American shores next year. It’s called Irreversible” and it’s actually scoring several wonderful reviews. Then again, this is a film from a man who thought the shallow provocation of Alone qualified as cinema….
– Steve
P.S.: Don’t totally give up on the French — there’s still Brotherhood of the Wolf!
A cold beaker has to not only dissatisfy me, but actually have me shaking my fist at the screen and cursing the womb and the sperm that begot the filmmaker. I didn’t get that far with Trouble Every Day, though that may merely have been fatigue on my part.
As for Noe’s next effort… Lord willing an’ the creek don’t rise, no one will be foolheaded enough to send me a screener.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: “BYRON HENRY”
Subject: Atomic Cafe’s review.
Date sent: Sat, 23 Nov 2002
When I was checking this review out and saw you mentioning all the film sources showing US soldiers exposed to radiation, I just had to stop for a second. I’ve seen some of this stuff several times, and it didn’t quite hit me what I was seeing.
It’s a little movie clip on the PC game “Civilization II” from MicroProse. You know the game setup–guiding your nation from the Bronze Age to the Space Age–and if your nation is the first to discover nuclear weapons, it’s a miniature stock-footage heaven.
I didn’t know until I read this review that the footage of soldiers walking en masse through the clouds was actually of men walking through radioactive poison. What a kick in the nuts.
Thanks for the eye-opener!
No problem. You know what they say — “It’s all fun and games until someone irradiates their own citizens.”
Nathan
From: Ian Sheridan
Subject: The Apple
Date sent: Tue, 19 Nov 2002
Nathan,
I do not know how I found this review of the movie The Apple. Yet, I feel for you but with a deep relief that it was not me who has been inflicted with viewing it. I would of never of known about this land-mine if it was not for you.
I was not sleeping one night and I saw the title of the next movie to come on as “the Apple” and because of your sacrifice I did not watch it. Instead I changed the channel.
Thank you for your hard work and dedication,
Ian “thank god I did not see The Apple” Sheridan
A friend once told me that I’m like a Lovecraftian hero that risks his sanity to read the mind-shattering tome in order to protect others. That’s seeming truer and truer all the time.
Thanks,
Nathan
From: Brandi Weed
Subject: j/jacknwitch.html“>Jack and the Witch
Date sent: Thu, 07 Nov 2002Oh, THANK YOU! This one had been dogging *my* brain for decades too! I remembered only the harpified mouse and the business with trying to stop the windmill…
Brandi
Yay! Jack-rememberers of the world, unite!
Nathan
From: Hal Walden
Subject: Night of the Comet review.
Date sent: Thu, 24 Oct 2002I liked your review, I usually do, even though Comet is one of my wife and my favorite sci-fi’s from the 80’s. Theres one thing no one braches on in movies like this and Dawn of the Dead, where only a handful of people survive the end of the world. Comet seems to have a ‘Happy’ ending, but no one has thought about all the nuclear power stations in the world, that no linger have anyone to watch the gauges to prevent meltdowns. And what about people who were cooking, and stepped out to watch the lightshow? There would be hundreds of fires starting all over, with no one to put them out, so they would spread to the next house and so on. Within days of an event like this happening, the city would be in flames. Well, enough rambling, love your site.
Hal Walden
Hey, as long as the radio finally winds down, I’ll be happy. (How many days of continuous voicetracking do LA stations have, anyway?)
Nathan
From: Todd Coleman
Subject: Hello Nathan!
Date sent: Thu, 24 Oct 2002Hey Nathan,
Y’know, besides your extremely well written reviews and your new Blog section, another long time favorite part of your site for me has always been the letters section. I check it often and I was really suprised to see the recent update with so much hatemail!
Don’t you wish that people could just accept the fact that some people might not like a movie that they do? It would be one thing if you were a crappy reviewer, but you’re not, so I guess these people must have had nothing else to do.
The e-mail from Princess Aurora was particularly funny. I love when people say “How can you criticize something when you’re not a filmmaker?” Whenever I hear that I like to use a comeback that Mike over at Dante’s Inferno once used when someone asked him how he could criticize a movie when he had never made one and he replied “I’ve never baked a cake either, but I can tell you if one tastes like shit or not.” Very funny and true.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a line with something positive in it and let you know how great Cold Fusion Video continues to be.
Always a pleasure Nathan,
Todd
http://www.monkeyhouselounge.com
Thanks. Leave it to Dante to come up with a rejoinder that says in a few words what I said much less effectively in many.
Nathan
From: “Michael Wilson”
Subject: supernaturals
Date sent: Sat, 19 Oct 2002Hello Nathan
Just got my computer fixed and did some surfing. Heehee. You’re right. Supernaturals is a movie that just gets me all hot and riled. It was one of my first Inferno reviews and I’m tempted at times to rewatch and rewrite the thing.
An interesting bit is this…when the movie was made the army didn’t have co-ed training. They do now, but only at fort Jackson, and I heard through the grapevine that they might stop it there soon. Don’t ask me why. The Army is really close mouthed about anything that would cause a scandal.
Also, I think you could handle the structured discipline! After basic its really not all that hard. But thats the recruiter in me coming out.
Take care, man.
— Michael Wilson
Dante’s Inferno & All-Night Video Store
Yeah, I just have this feeling that I’d spend 9/10ths of my basic training time in the brig for repeatedly telling some superior at me to stick it. (‘Specially in peacetime.) Lord willing an’ the creek don’t rise, I’ll never have to find out if my feeling is correct.
Glad to hear the computer’s working and you’re back at work.
Nathan
From: hspekken
Subject: beowulf
Date sent: Fri, 18 Oct 2002may I reprint one page of your review of the Lambert Beowulf for classroom use?
H. Spekkens
Certainly. And please let me know how my comments were used. (Where is St. Francis Xavier University, anyway?)
Nathan
St. Francis Xavier University is located in Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada. It is a small liberal arts college of about 4000 students and ca 200 faculty.
I teach the canonical Beowulf, unfortunately in the Seamus Heaney translation. I try to introduce a number of enrichment activities, including the Gardner Grendel. Students won’t read it, of course.
I also use the Thirteenth Warrior and Beowulf (2000) and found your comments a-propos. By presenting the students with your comments I hope to induce some of them, perhaps, to go on the Net in search of further wisdom.
Thank you.
Hubert Spekkens
From: Bryan.K.Condrey
Subject: Dino Debates 1 & 2
Date sent: Fri, 11 Oct 2002
Hello Nathan,
After reading the two e-mail debates until my eyes glazed over, I want to congratulate you for your slow-pulsed attempt to extract reason from random though when discussing this topic with David.
A few ideas to consider if you ever decide to rattle sabers with David’s kind of thinking…
1.) I believe that the Bible and Paleontologists can agree in the end of the FINAL debate(whenever that comes). We are only human and can only draw from our experiences, the books we read and trust, and the people we meet to shape our thoughts. In other words, we are a product of our environment and beliefs. (We are probably have much more to contribute to the ‘human being’, but I have no facts to begin looking).
2.) As I understand, the original Bible was written in some form of the Greek language. Subsequent interpretations have probably lost some of the original intent either by intentional bias (ex. the mainly one sided NBC,CBS, ABC reporting of the news) or unintentional due to the limitations of the translator or the limitations of the end-user language to describe certain items.
3.) As I understand, the original Bible was hand written by men; fallible men. To further add a twist, their view of the world never could have conceived a computer, a rocketship, a submarine, a laser beam, or the concept of cosmic infinity; just to name a few. So, I content that the original Bible was written in terms the current writers could understand (ex. the items discussed by Ezekiel). Why couldn’t the seven days in Genesis(a time concept understandable by that era man) equate to 4 billion years(our modern concept)? Inserting logic into faith: Why would God rush perfection? …and… Why would God need to rest on the seventh day? To paraphrase and modify a law of thermodynamics; ‘…as entropy increases, so does knowledge…’. If the human race lives another million years, we’ll have new words and concepts to describe new inventions and concepts. It is entirely possible that a link will be discovered that connects religion with science. This supports my struggle to unite the theories with the woefully limited knowledge I possess.
4.) One of the cornerstones of prehuman history is currently supported by physical facts. Plate-tectonics occurs. Volcanoes erupt. The Earth’s surface is constantly under change. Given enough time, the Earth’s surface will fully recycle itself by rendering the evidence of plant, animal, man, and stone into the molten core. So, what ever we discover in the ground as evidence for our theories will only be available for a limited(cosmic timeframe) time. It is possible that the evidence I mentioned in #3 is already dissolved and recycled. If David thinks that this proposition doesn’t exist, then suggest he walk into a pool of lava to prove his faith!
5.) Consider this idea:
Faith is belief in ideas that have no foundation in tangible reality.
Reality is based on our interpretation of our senses (most of us only have 5).
Faith needs to be challenged to grow.
Reality evolves as our tools change.
Science is based on the explorating of the facts and and having the courage to seek for new explanations when the facts don’t match the theory..
In a Godly ironic way, couldn’t the dinosaur bones be there for discovery and to challenge the beliver’s faith?
In a Godly ironic way, couldn’t the debate and chasing of facts be the mode to know the full truth?
6.) Casting all your beliefs in stone through a book written by man is inconsistent with believing in a multi-national multi-generational conspiracy by man to fabricate dinosaur bones.
Hope this wasn’t too verbose.
Respectfully,
Bryan Keith..Condrey
Thanks for giving thought to the whole debacle.I agree with you on just about everyting you wrote — and even if I didn’t, the fact that you simply THOUGHT IT THROUGH, that you didn’t come from an ironbound and rigid set of unspoken but unassailable theological assumptions, would make your opinions worthy of intellectual respect.
Nathan
From: “Doug LaVigne”
Subject: Siege of the Dead
Date sent: Thu, 10 Oct 2002
As a writer/producer/actor in Siege of the Dead, I enjoyed your unbiased review of our work at: http://www.coldfusionvideo.com/s/siegeofdead.html
It was refreshing to hear a really critical review of the thing. Siege was primarily a test of our ability to make a movie and we tested every effect we could think of affording and used every actor (and most of our friends and family as well) we could scrounge. No budget does that to you! :) We are working on a completely original full length film now, which should hopefully fix most of the problems we had with Siege. I’ll let you know (probably a year or two from now) when it is done if you would be interested in reviewing it. Cheers.
Doug LaVigne – Producer
You bet. I could tell that you all had your hearts in the right place as far as storytelling intent was concerned, and I’d love to see what you do at full feature length.
Nathan
From: “Alli Johnston”
Subject: Your review for Seul Contre Tous
Date sent: Wed, 10 Oct 2002
After reading your review for Seul Contre Tous I can only assume that.
1. You are American (and thus culturally challenged.)
2. Your favourite film is Diehard.
3. You are American (because you are arrogant enough to believe that because you didn’t find it pleasurable to watch. it must be a bad film.)
See you at the movies.
Bonehead.
Well, let’s see. You’ve managed to conclude the same thing twice, which is scarcely a secret. Bully for you. And while Diehard is an exceptional action movie, it’s nowhere near my favorite. So you got 1 out of 2, and the easy one at that. Such demonstrations of “intelligence” scarcely qualify you to call me a bonehead.
Nathan
From: PrincessAuroara
Date sent: Tue, 8 Oct 2002
Subject: Creepy Tales Review
STORY – a tale; the plot of a book or play
Overanalyzing…. Overanalyzing…. Everyone say it with me now: Overanalyzing!
Hi. I’m not a “BIG TIME CRITIC” like you are of course but I’m a little more important than you are because I’m a consumer. If I, and I’m not alone here Nate, feel a movie is entertaining then it will sell. True the script doesn’t have oscar written on it but not all of them were badly executed. Hey, here’s a concept, why not enjoy it for what its worth?
I would be really interested in seeing some of your work. Obviously you feel the movie is all wrong so you must have a great script of your own. I don’t see you accepting any Sundance Awards in the near future. What’s the matter is someone overcompensating by tearing apart other people?
Okay now that we got that out of the way. In the “beginning” the Professor, I feel was a cute idea to bridge the tales together. ( See definition above please.) Now moving on, The first story I have to admit is lacking but then again we can’t expect perfection except from you right Nate?
Now comes a new story about the girlfriend, the writer and the autobiographical psycho he becomes. The realism is a bit clouded, but overall I feel was a very well executed. It got the point across. What am I forgetting? Oh the make up. Well, that was supposed to portray “Mike’s” transition from everyday Joe to the stalker within. (But we can all rest assured that you and your fabulous make up crew would have been able to do a better job, right.) Quite frankly you should know that being an acclaimed critic and all. Was it the emmy’s the Tonys or the Oscars you work for? I can’t remember?
And the finale of our anthology Portrait in Hell. I must say that this was very…how shall I put this so you can understand it…GOOD! The concept of the STORY was original. It was funny to watch and the twist was cleverly thought up.
Finally Let’s not forget that we are talking about a Low Budget B movie. What did you expect angels and trumpets? … A parade of witty, elaborate dialogue? …. Oh no, I know The Next Blair witch project!! Give me a break. Accept it for what it is. A comical horror trilogy that the film makers worked hard on. On one more note, we also have to remember, we should not blame the actors for the decisions of the producers and directors. I would love to see you in a film where you are restricted and have no creative stand point. Also, and this may come as a shock to you (we all know about the prestigious film making that you are used to), but a lot of people enjoyed this film.
So here’s some food for thought. Why don’t you stop being a film school reject and highlight the good aspects of a film, by trying to recognize the efforts of film virgins? If we were all as creative as you we would be where you are. Where is that exactly? Something to think about before you start polishing your nonexistent awards and trophies.
Methinks the princess needs a Midol.
So let’s see — a movie critic isn’t supposed to be critical? All’s good in a movie if someone worked hard on it? Any entertainment which doesn’t entertain is the fault of the audience?
Apparently you missed the point of the entire review, which is that story is NOT something which requires budget, and that it IS reasonable to hope for a compelling story in a low-budget feature. Look at the Fade to Black student film compilations. Look at Moving, which for nine thousand dollars is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years. Look at Hall of Mirrors, which for less than $4000 gave us a suspense flick with more mind-bending twists than a summer full of blockbusters. All of these, gosh, DO give us “witty, elaborate dialogue,” because it doesn’t cost any more to write good dialogue and have actors speak it. And storytelling is not some ancillary feature to narrative filmmaking — movies ARE storytelling. That’s their whole reason to be.
Hey, you don’t have to agree with my opinion. No one does. But the filmmakers sent it to me to get my opinion, and that’s what I gave.
You’re welcome to start your own website and write your own reviews. In fact, you need to — because if my opinion has no worth for you simply because I’m not a “real” filmmaker, then your opinion has no worth to me because you’re not a “real” reviewer.
‘Bye now.
Nathan
From: “Dimitris K.”
Subject: your review
Date sent: Sat, 05 Oct 2002
I read your review of Predator on rotten tomatoes. Apparently rotten websites come with rotten reviewers…
dork
And rotten readers, too. I have no idea what you’re upset about, since I gave it a POSITIVE review.
I knew you would answer with “readers too”. Very stupid and predictable, just like your reviews. Anyway, I bumped into your review after doing some web search on the movie. I seriously doubt if you have any readers…
dork…
Well, I certainly won’t miss you. You still haven’t explained what exactly offended you about a POSITIVE review, but please don’t trouble yourself with annoying my inbox again.
Date sent: Tue, 1 Oct 2002
Subject: Teen Knight
From: Marc Robinson
Nathan,
I just stumbled across your review of Teen Knight, and I must say that you made me laugh hysterically! You hit the nail on the head. It really was just that bad. No, I mean horrible.
I should know, I was in it!
I was Lord Raykin, the “Richard Greico” look-a-like.
I can’t watch it myself. It’s horribly embarrassing. I’m going to forward your review to others to enjoy. Sorry for any pain I may have caused.
Marc Robinson
Hee hee hee! You know, getting mail from appreciative-but-embarrassed actors makes it all worthwhile. Thanks for taking the time to write.
Nathan
Date sent: Fri, 20 Sep 2002
Subject: About your Son of Godzilla review
From: thenorseking
Dear Nathan,
Greetings, I have been a fan of your site for quite some time, and I just wanted to mention to you that I thought it was interesting how, in your review for Son Of Godzilla, you pointed something out that I noted on my own reviews for several of the G-films on my Godzilla web site:
“Between the ‘Godzilla as an honest-to-God monster’ phase and the ‘Godzilla as just a gosh-darned nicy guy’ phases of the original run of the franchise, lies Son of Godzilla. The franchise was in a state of flux, and this movie shows that; the Big G isn’t quite the awesome force of nature he was in the original, but he’s still not the tame Defender of Children Everywhere that he became very soon thereafter (in other words, there’s no Kenny in this movie). And the bonus here is that, because the franchise was in transition, there’s actually a glimmer of creativity here, a story structure not tied to an ironbound formula.”
I also noted that it seems after the original Godzilla vs. Mothra was released in Japan and America in 1964 (the only time a G-film was released the same year on both sides of the Pacific), Godzilla’s slow character rehabilitation began with the following film, Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster, released later that same year in Japan (though not till a year later in America). Though he was still destructive for most of the film, he nevertheless teamed with Rodan and Mothra against King Ghidora for the defense of the world for the very first time. However, as you could see with the rest of the G-films in the 1960’s (up to and including Godzilla’s Revenge, released in Japan in 1969), Godzilla entered what I referred to on my site as the ambiguous period in his film history, where he was no longer a bonafide menace to humankind (unless aliens were controlling him, as they did in Godzilla vs. Monster Zero and Destroy All Monsters), but had not yet become a deliberate protector of humankind, and sort of ended up helping people against more blatantly dangerous monsters and other menaces due to coincidental circumstance and territorial disputes more so than anything else, rather then his own conscious volition, and humankind still feared the big guy. It was at the beginning of the 1970’s decade, starting with Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster, released in Japan in 1971 (a year later in America), that Godzilla first officially went from dangerous monster to monstrous super-hero (and that film even included a Kenny!). Godzilla’s Revenge also included a ‘Kenny’ by the name of Ichiro, but since this was the last film during Godzilla’s ambiguous period, the little guy befriended Minya, rather then Godzilla, and was much too afraid to approach the latter.
I thought it was really interesting that yet another film reviewer noticed this aspect of the Godzilla filmography :)
As for two other points you made in your review:
In terms of a jungle girl being introduced into Godzilla films, this was actually the second such instance of this. Son of Godzilla was the second of three Godzilla island films made in the 60’s (where the kaiju action was confined to a remote South Seas island, rather then human cities, a good budget saver), the other two being Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster and Godzilla’s Revenge. The former film featured the first instance of a jungle girl as a major protagonist in a G-film, and she was not only considerably hotter then the jungle girl featured in Son, but she was bikini clad for the entire film :)
Now, as for this widely debated conundrum amongst the G-fans of the world that you alluded to in your review:
“Naturally, we avoid the most interesting question about Godzilla’s procreation, which is, “How the hell?” Even now, it’s unquestioned among the cast that Godzilla is a male (and the offspring, too); is there a Mrs. Godzilla who doesn’t venture out much? (Given how ugly her kid is, I can venture an opinion why.) Or does Godzilla reproduce by some sort of parthenogenetic ovulation? I dunno.”
Actually, as I stated in passing on my web site, I never felt this was a “hot” debate at all, and the debate itself appears to be based on an assumption that was never stated or implied anywhere in the films: that Minya had to be the natural offspring of Godzilla himself. There is nothing in the movies, including the dialogue or the scripts, to suggest that Godzilla and a mate, or Godzilla alone (perhaps androgynously), were responsible for siring Minya. He simply seems to have been a similarly mutated creature of the same “species” that was ‘adopted’ (for want of a better term) by Godzilla for no greater reason then an empathic rapport of some sort being established between the two similar kaiju. Also, this lack of familial relationship between Godzilla and his “son” was made quite clear in the revamped version of Minya (now called Baby Godzilla) in the Heisei Era Godzilla film series, and in fact, due to the psychic emanations that Baby Godzilla emanated in his debut appearance in Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla 2, he was not only “adopted” by Godzilla, but Rodan, also! And no G-fan had argued kinship between them! :) Further, Baby Godzilla was never implied to be Godzilla’s natural progeny, and in Godzilla vs. Destroyah, when Baby had reached adolescence, and was now being called Godzilla Junior, he was referred to once in the dialogue as simply being Godzilla’s “friend.” Thus, it was strongly suggested that Godzilla himself, with or without a mate, had nothing to do with spawning Minya/Baby Godzilla. Hence, this explanation works quite well in terms of “how” Godzilla sired Minya in the Sowa Era G-film series: plain and simply, he didn’t. I believe that G-fans have banged their heads on the wall concerning this question over the past few decades for absolutely no reason at all :)
Well, I’ll let you go now, though I would like to thank you for your wonderful site, which I visit several times a week and read religiously, and which I have had linked to my own site ever since it went up, in the Other Great Links section. If you would ever like to have a look at my site, it’s located at: http://angelfire.com/ego/g_saga
Thank you for all of your hard work on your site…it’s much appreciated by your readers :)
Sincerely,
Chris Nigro
You’ve found one of the holes in my education; Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster is one of the few I haven’t seen. You have to wonder what poor market response they got with bikini babes that made them switch to boys in yellow micro-shorts…
Here, then, is my main rationale for believing that Minya is Godzilla’s own offspring: honestly, if that child wasn’t his own, would he have put up with that incessant braying? I sure wouldn’t have. But maybe that says more about me than about the Big G.
The website looks great; I’ll add it to my links on the next update.
Thanks for reading,
Nathan
Date sent: Fri, 23 Aug 2002
From: Ring Wraith
Subject: A Few Comments About Godzilla……
Dear Nathan Shumate,
This might be a little after the point. I don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve composed your Godzilla vs. Biollante review but here is my little missive.
“And things are not improved by Koichi Sugiyama’s perfectly hideous score. Yes, it does contain the classic Godzilla theme, always a necessity. But there’s also an orchestral theme which sounds like outtakes from John Williams’ Raiders of the Lost Ark score, plus a recurrent funky pseudo-disco action theme, and a fast-paced bit of chase music filled with oompahs. You can’t take seriously any tense action or chase theme accompanied by oompahs, pal. Can’t be done.”
I have to agree with you on that. That Faux slapstick comedy theme just does not belong in a Godzilla movie. As I’m watching what should have ben a tense, dramatic scene I was thinking to myself, “What? Are the army men supposed to slip on the cliched banana peel? Is Godzilla supposed to slip on a banana peel? What mood is this score supposed to be setting?” I think this is the worst score since the one for Godzilla vs. Hedora. Not having Akira Ifukube score a Godzilla film is a very bad thing.
I had to say that crayon drawing of Godzilla fighting Biollante your son drew is so cute. It’s good to have another generation get interested in Godzilla movies. My 4 year old nephew loves Godzilla already, but the most sophisticated drawing he can come up with at the moment are colorful lines slashed across the paper he has dubbed “Fireworks” which I have in my possession. In three more years hopefully he can produce for his Aunt a nice picture of Godzilla.
And one more thing, have you checked out any of the 90’s Gamera flicks? They are quite good. Veritably light years ahead of the old 60’s era cheesefests. If you have watched them I look forward to your reviews. If not then you must see them! And yes, I believe that Mountain Dew is the Nectar of the Gods. Especially when you need that extra divine help in staying awake.
Sincerely,
Nazgul Queen
Thanks for the note. It’s been about a year since I originally posted the Biollante review, but I remember it like it was yesterday; my kids still watch them all frequently. (In fact, there’ll be a review of Son of Godzilla going up not long after I get back from vacation.)
I saw the first ’90’s Gamera, but it was years ago, not long after it was first released on this side of the Pacific (before I started reviewing). But trust me, it (and the two that follow) are on the list of 9000 movies I plan to review before I die.
Thanks for the note,
Nathan
From: “gary & sandra”
Subject: Albert Pyun
date sent: Wed, 31 Jul 2002
Hi. The really weird thing about Albert Pyun is that his first movie, The Sword and the Sorcerer was actually one of the better sword & sorcery movies. It was released at the same time as the first Conan movie, and looks just as good on a tiny fraction of the budget. The plot is admitedly ’strange’ i.e. the ‘hero’s’ price for saving the kingdom is a night of hot monkey sex with his sister (!). I mean, if he’s the long-lost prince, and she’s the princess… If she’s his cousin, they should SAY so, eh?
Sandra
Somewhere around here I’ve got an old fanboy film magazine which interviewed Pyun right before the release of S&S. He made some passing complaints about how final control was taken from him in the editing process, and that it really wasn’t “his” movie. Considering what we’ve found the man to be capable of when given the full reins, oh the irony of those early statements…
Nathan
Date sent: Mon, 29 Jul 2002
From: Jerry Camp
Subject: horrorvision.com
You MIGHT want to recheck that link to the official website you offered up in your review of the movie Horrorvision. It’s not exactly about scawy movies…well, it is and it isn’t. Click that bad boy and see for yourself.
Concerned fellow B-movie aficionado
EEK!
It turns out that the folks at Tempe had let the horrorvision.com domain lapse and it was snatched up by, you guessed it, a porn portal. I’ve now changed the link in the review to go back to the Tempe Entertainment homesite.
Nathan
From: Lkbongnbabalu2
Date sent: Sun, 28 Jul 2002
Subject: Background of your page
Dear Nathan:
While cruising the net looking for pages about Psychomania, one of my favorite bad movies of all time, I happened upon your site. I liked what you did w/ Psychomania. Yes it is a bad film, yes the motorcycle gang is the biggest bunch of losers, etc, but still the film exudes a post-1960’s kitzchy-camp appeal.
Now to the background: I noticed that your background images is of a 50’s or 60’s robot that oddly enough I passed up at a garage sale recently due to it’s poor condition. For $2 I’m kicking myself. Odd that something I never thought I’d see again just shows up out of the blue. Any info you could give me on this toy robot would be appreciated.
Thanks for the cool site.
Thoth17
P.S. If you haven’t reviewed the terribly awful Equinox (circa 1972) you should. It makes Psychomania look like oscar material.
I wish I had info to give you. Back before Christmas, I was cruising eBay to get my kids some robot toys, and I saved pictures of dozens of items for sale; when I was looking for a new background this week, I browsed a few of the thousands of images on my harddrive and came up with this one.
Sorry I’m not more help.
Nathan
If anyone’s interested, here’s the pre-Photoshopping image:
From: “Tony Smith”
Date sent: Tue, 23 Jul 2002
Subject: When arthouse geeks attack! (Re: I Stand Alone)
Nathan,
Recently over at the Usenet Newsgroup alt.horror, a discussion came up about this film, and of course I felt inclined to give my two cents, having foolishly seen this movie about 3 months ago after reading your review and just having to see if it was truly as pitiful as your review made it sound.
Many people tried to excuse the seemingly endless walking monologue scenes as “character development.”
Many brushed away the scene in the porno theatre after I asked the $23,000 question- “What the Hell was the point?!”
Many people praised the ending, calling it shocking, even after I brought up the fact that for a scene in a movie to be shocking, you actually have to give a damn about the characters involved first.
I then quoted a line of your review about Gasper Noe’s apparently inept ability to create motion throughout his pictures, and even provided a link to said review.
The quote was ignored, and one person in particular said that because you had the gall to give low marks to such an “excellent but flawed film”, you were obviously weaned on MTV editing and suffered from Attention Deficit Disorder.
One person who read your review made a rather chuckle-worthy observation that the film sounded like a poor man’s Combat Shock. Don’t think I could have said it any better myself.
By the way, when I last wrote (mentioning something about the screener versions of various Full Moon films) you said that Martha Quinn had turned up in your neck of the woods as a Radio Station DJ. Dare I ask how that turned out?
–Tony
“Attention Deficit Disorder.” Uh-huh. Whatever. I read the entire Lord of the Rings when I was eight, I got a BA in English Lit summa cum laude, and I write 1,500-word movie reviews. If that’s ADD… I think what the arthouse geek in question meant to say was, I was weaned on cinema which wasn’t supported by government subsidies, and thus had to actually appeal to a paying audience to make its money back. (Damned arthouse
geeks.)As for Martha Quinn, well, it looks more like she does a prerecorded hour-long show for lunch each day from wherever she is. At least its completely personalized to the station (unlike some syndicated shows that are boilerplate with a couple of personalized liners thrown in), but she’s not physically present and answering phones. Alas, another opportunity to ridicule someone’s bad career choices evaporates like dew in the morning sun…
Thanks,
Nathan
Date sent: Mon, 22 Jul 2002
From: Todd Coleman
Subject: Re: No Escape
Nathan,
Great review of No Escape. I’ve always liked that movie and have never seen why so many people (and critics) have negative opinions about it. Like you said, it isn’t very original but I really enjoy Liotta’s performance and the quasi-futuristic, post-apocalyptic (is that too many hyphens?) settings.
Plus, I think that Marek’s impaling is one of the best I’ve seen in a movie! I guess that’s a weird thing to pick out in the whole movie, but it got a great reaction from me and my roomates in college when we first watched it.
Talk to you soon,
Todd
http://www.monkeyhouselounge.com
Yup, that was definitely a memorable moment from when I first saw it — in the theater, no less. (I was also acutely aware of it because my new-at-the-time wife, who has absolutely no appreciation for goriness, was sitting beside me.)
Nathan
