date: tue, 08 Jan 2008
name: Bo Webb
subject: Your Dead Heist review from 10/07
Hey
I’m Bo, the guy who directed Dead Heist, and I just happened upon your review. I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed reading it. You seem to have picked up on many of the subtleties (if there are ANY subtle things in a movie like this) and annoyances that I’ve known are there since I got involved in the project. Although I’m tempted to offer excuses for the things you didn’t like, I’ll just say that we had no money and no time, and the script was handed to me two weeks before we began shooting. OK, so maybe I will offer excuses. It’s interesting (and very true) that once the ball gets rolling and you’re worrying about individual scenes, it’s hard to step back and see the big picture sometimes (like just how many times per sentence everyone said FUCK. Killed our chances with SciFi). Regardless, we had a really great time making this movie. I like to think of the experience as a lemons and lemonade kind of thing. My favorite comment from the premiere, that some reviews have echoed, was “Wow, I was expecting something MUCH worse…”
So thanks for the review. Hopefully I’ll be able to make another movie for your perusal before long. “Dead Heist II: Electric Boogaloo” perhaps?
Bo
Hi, Bo,
Yeah, I think “I was expecting much worse” is just about the right reaction to a movie like this. There are so many low-budget genre flicks which completely miss the mark on things like drama and tension (which are the things that AREN’T totally dependent on budget) that Dead Heist comes out looking not too bad by comparison. And let’s face it, anyone who rents an unknown direct-to-DVD horror flick is probably looking for “not too bad.”
And I would totally see the “Electric Boogaloo” version. (I might even like the music.)
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Wed, 02 Jan 2008
name: Jc
subject: Hey (i’m not that good at subjects)
Happy holidays-that-have-passed (those last three words can be summed up into “praëjusiø”, but that ain’t sayin’ shit to you :) ) and happy new yer of the Yellow (or, as I say, Horned) Rat to you and your family!
Anyway, how do you spend the holidays? You know, Christmas and New Year (two more oppurtunities to get hammered, first with family, then with friends), the gift-day and shoot-at-the-sky-like-commie-zombie-aliens-were-invading day? Seriously, I’d bet that civilian use up more explosives that day than our military does in the whole year. Proves that humans like nothing more like watching stuff go “BOOM” :)
I’ve read your stuff up to the letter ‘N’ now and noticed that don’t enjoy sports, just like me. And since my country considers basketball a religion (alost), I’m a black sheep. Pity I don’t have your EL degree, ability to express thoughts coherently and dedication to do stuff (I’m trying to write a SCI-FI book. Progress during the whole of last year – 40 pages. Damn). It would be nice to have my articles (I’m a PC game reviewer) read by many people in the world. Now I only translate PC Gamer, because that’s supposedly cheaper than writing stuff ourselves. Sigh, we may have been unprofessional, unobjective (one guy unleashed his inner emo in his last review. Good thing I started hating him long before), but it was fun, easy and we didn’t do mistakes like Gamer does. And since it’s not getting more coherent…
Tell me about you people, Mormons. What’s the difference between supposedly mine faith and yours? What the impact in life? Didn’t Mormons use to have the right to poligamy? Etc?
I’ll leave it at this.
Great work!
Jc
P.S. What are your views on bootleging?
Hey, JC. Sounds like you’ve got plenty of energy, so here’s hoping you can channel it into your book project. (That’s what’s so seductive about short pieces like film reviews: I can achieve a goal each week, instead of something that’ll take months and drain my juices before the finish line.)
About Mormons: What do you want me to tell? I can’t really contrast/compare with your religion without knowing what it is, so I’ll just send you here for basic overview info: http://www.mormon.org
Re: bootlegging: Obviously illegal, though I see it as being functionally justifiable in cases where movies simply aren’t available in a current release — in other words, I’m not taking money from anybody’s pocket if I’m after a bootleg of Night of the Creeps, which hasn’t been available for over twenty years.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Wed, 26 Dec 2007
name: Patrick
subject: Godzilla 2000Great review, but you missed possibly the best “WTF?!” moment in the entire film. At the beginning, the reporter is tagging along with the good guys, and she ends up making some whiny comment (either while she’s with them, back at the studio, or both) about how she’s just doing it so she can get into “real news” or “hard news.”I had to rewind at that point. What in the name of all that’s holy is going on in Japan when a giant radioactive dinosaur with thermonuclear death breath laying waste to Tokyo is just a fluff piece and worthy of whining that it isn’t serious enough?!But hey, it’s a Godzilla flick. It’s supposed to be goofy and silly like that. Still though, that scene always gives me the giggles.
You forget: “Real news” = “Speaking truth to power.” If she has to simply report what happens instead of contextualizing the narrative, she probably doesn’t feel like a real journalist.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Tue, 25 Dec 2007
name: Todd Sheets
subject: ZOMBIE BLOODBATH Trilogy DVD details!!!Thanks for the review of the film. You really should check the DVD set out – the version of Zombie Bloodbath reviewed here is the damned old Rough Cut that got out there thanks to some asshole producers that basically took it from me before it was done. Does it make it a masterpiece, nope. Never. But it does work better.I had NOT made 16 other films before this one – I had made 6. I consider this movie my first REAL attempt at making a film. The reason the zombies arms and legs are not always made up is that we all sandbagged the Missouri river in between scenes during the huge Midwest Flood of 93 – scary but true… LOL – Zombies were SAVING families,, not eating them. We would all head down to the river and sandbag, many of our locations were underwater and had to be moved. A smarter kid would have stopped and given up, but I was determined.Zombie Bloodbath will never be more than it is, a true attempt to make a fun splatter flick. I have no delusions of Grandeur… It trash. But I do truly feel that a bunch of heart, soul and hard work went into it. And those people deserve a nod. Making any film is rough, but this was VERY hard.As for me hitting that stride, I am still working on that – after Zombie Bloodbath, I made some movies that won some awards, played all over the world and got some critical priase… go figure – So I learned to slow down, take my time, and really study film and how to do better… it looks like I did learn from one film to the next so that’s a good thing – hehehe. I did find your review quite fun though and I appreciate you taking the time to watch the film. Maybe if you see the DVD around for a buck, you can watch it again with it’s crazy sequels. Have a great Holiday!
[Actually, that WAS the DVD version I reviewed...]
date: Sat, 15 Dec 2007
name: Jeannette
subject: Jack and the witchI could have written the first part of this page myself. Sometimes memories of this cartoon drove me nuts. I thought I had dreamt it. The name Barnaby kept coming into it. It is so awesome to finally find out what it was. Now I want to watch it. I also have hopes of finding out about other cartoons that no one else has ever heard of…
Thank you so much!!!
My pleasure, Jeannette. If only all of our demons were so easily put to rest…
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Fri, 14 Dec 2007
name: lynda
subject: Jack and the Witch!Hello, how are you?I’ve just read your write-up on this ancient childhood treasure! I, too, as a child, was haunted by the film. The difference was, I’d never forgotten the title! But I have not seen the cartoon since I was around 5 or so (around the age you, yourself, had been, upon discovering it).It was very interesting to read your recalled responses to Allegra, because my childish mind had actually led me to remember her as Jack’s girlfriend — initially — whom he was going to rescue from the witch. In other words, I mis-remembered her character entirely — certainly due to the ingrained ending, but also because of Jack’s positive reaction/feelings to/for her along the way; and, in fact, Allegra’s “giving up” in the Ice Caves particularly leaned me in that direction, as well, since (like yourself) I was quite moved by that scene.Anyhow, I read about the new Japanese version that is out. But I’m wondering how/where you managed to acquire the old English (not-so-great-quality) version? I would just love to see this film again — and English is a must. I don’t really care if the quality is poor (I still collect LP’s!). If there’s anything you can tell me — anywhere you can point me to — I’d really appreciate it. I’ve already been looking on eBay for YEARS, without luck. Thank you so very much (and for this write-up!), my fellow fan — and Happy Holidays!Best Wishes~
Lynda
Hi Lynda,
The English dub from the damaged print is available at http://www.coolstuffvideos.com/. It’s watchable, but awfully crummy. One of these days, I need to post some screencaps from my tape at the end of the review so people will know what they’re getting into.
Glad to meet another person indelibly influenced by this movie in childhood.
Nathan
date: Tue, 11 Dec 2007
name: Jc
subject: The more, the betterHey
As I am continuing my habit of reading reviews of movies that I’m not going to watch, I find them more and more pleasing. I don’t know why, but since i’m now reading from the end to the begining (the list, not the reviews itselves), I see more of your anti-children views. And I like them, i stopped liking children years ago, and since i’m 18teen, i can do that without not liking myself :)
The first reviews, however, seemed to be full of references to your religion-related moments. I liked them too, and if I remmember correctly, you’re Mormon, or used to be at the time of writing. Otherwise, I just made a fool out of myself. Anyway, how’s your faith going? How strong is connection with God? I have questions like that, since my family is 50 percent atheist, my friend’s one too. Keeping the un-baptized fort of christianity almost alone :)
Now, since I’m done bitchin’, I salute you once more.JcP.S.
Excuse me my english. It’s my second language, plus I’m forgetfull. And I don’t have an English literature degree :)
P.P.S. I like that guy from badmovies. He played Star Control :)
Hi JC,
Yes, I’m still very Mormon; I still mention it in reviews from time to time, when it comes up in context. I hold some fairly time-consuming responsibilities in the local congregation, so when you ask, “How’s your faith going?” my first inclination is to answer, “Very tiring.” :) My connection with God isn’t as strong as I’d like it to be, but I think any believer can say that.
And yes, Andrew from badmovies.org is rocking.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Sun, 02 Dec 2007
name: robert Schwarz
subject: Flight of the Living DeadOne thing you didn’t mention is that was one tough plane. With all those bullets flying around and the explosive device and decompression and everything and it still survived a crash in the desert mostly intact.The other thing is the flight to Paris turns around in mid Atlantic and then lands in which desert in particular? Seems set up for a sequel set in Arizona or something but that seems a bit out of the way if you ask me.
Lastly the military jets were F-14s which were decommissioned by March 2006 (movie was copyrighted 2007) and they are naval jets unlikely to be called up for the mission at hand in the first place.So many flaws yet somehow a very likeable flick.
I heard some comedian once say, “You know those black box recorders that are supposed to be indestructible? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that?” Maybe they did in this case.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Sat, 01 Dec 2007
name: Turzman
subject: “Loop” & Pericles LewnesHi Nathan,
I’ve been a reader of yours for over 2 years now, and I want to thank you for featuring “Loop” in the most recent batch of reviews. I know Peri through www.karmacritic.com , an I-community comprised of budding filmmakers, actors, dp’s, etc. We are proud when one of our own completes a project. Sites like yours pays an enourmous dividend to aspiring “movie-folk” and you are appreciated.I had the peasure of meeting Peri and his wife at the Anaheim screening of “Loop” and he is a warm, wonderful and thankful person. He deserves all the best.
I request that you share “Loop” with Liz, Ken and the rest of your gang and I invite you to check us out at KarmaCritic.
Thanks again.
Turz
PS- I’ve had no luck renting “Redneck Zombies.” It’s just one of those rarities, like Emerson Bixby’s “Dead End.” You know, shot direct on video in the early 80’s. Oh well, good luck to us all.
Turz.
Hi Turzman,
I don’t really think you want me to pass LOOP around to the gang — Lord knows, when Ken Begg gets ahold of a movie, he doesn’t let it go until it begs for mercy.
And Troma.com still sells Redneck Zombies for $7.95. (One of their bestsellers, apparently.)
Glad you enjoy the site. Merry Christmas!
Nathan
date: Thu, 29 Nov 2007
name: doesntmatter
subject: LewZerOh My God! Put your thesaurus away and get off your ‘high horse!’ I’ve known people who like to hear themselves talk, but damn…..
Oh, I know! It’s like, I’ve got this website, and I fill it with content and stuff! Where are the pictures of funny cats and nekkid chicks? THAT’S what the internet is for!
Nathan
date: Wed, 31 Oct 2007
name: Byron
subject: Love that LOLzombie formatGotta admit that for once, I’ve come to your site looking more for the text-speak captions rather than the reviews. Flat out hilarious!
Of course, that’s probably because I’ve been of the opinion that those who routinely use such slang are essentially zombies themselves, ever in search of “brains, braaiiinnnnss” for their own use. (Yeah, I’m petty.)
But ’nuff said. You’ve once again kept the site fresh and original, and I am once again impressed. Keep it up!
LOLZ!! U R teh insanezors!!1!!one!!
Hi Byron,
Glad you like ‘em. You wouldn’t believe the number of comments I’ve got from people who (a) hated them or (b) wondered, “What’s with the bad typing?”
Nathan
date: Sun, 28 Oct 2007
name: John Mack
subject: Jack and the WitchOMG!!! I have been wondering what this movie was for most of my life. I too had several images from it stuck in my mind from when I was a little kid. I am now 43, and those images are as vivid as the day I watched it on TV here in KC. The one fact I remembered was that the movie was about Harpies.I can’t believe I found your review of it. I am going to order the video of it tomorrow. My kids will love it.Thank you!!
John Mack
date: Thu, 25 Oct 2007
name: joe
subject: i stand alonewhile checking up on the available reviews for Gaspar Noe’s I Stand Alone, I came across yours. What a pretentious, unfunny crap you managed to torture out of your pompous pseudo-brain.And what about that 7.7 herd instinct? Hey man if you don’t like a movie, don’t watch it. Why even write about it? oh, coz ur opinion will surely enlighten one or two poor, intelectually defenseless slobs. And I’m pretty sure nobody will steal your reviews pfuahahaha
Ah, I see. So even if the distributor sends me the movie to review, I’m only allowed to review it if I LIKE it, because otherwise I might upset the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy character of Teh Intarwebs. Thank you so much for setting me straight.
Of course, your inestimable advice to me works just as well for you, Joe, to wit: “Hey man if you don’t like a review, don’t read it. Why even comment about it? oh, coz ur opinion will surely enlighten one or two poor, intelectually defenseless reviewers pfuahahaha”
Nathan
date: Wed, 24 Oct 2007
name:
subject: It Came From Somewhere ElseYou have WAY too much time on your hands to play the role of the tough, all-knowing movie critic with a movie like It Came From Somewhere Else. Your review is full of errors and demonstrates nothing more than that you are a loser with no sense of humor. I’m sure the people responsible for this movie are really hurt by your review…um, no. Get a job or at least stop focusing on movies made for fun and not for some idiot to spend hours criticizing.
You know, I could point out that the DVD was sent to me by the distributor FOR ME TO REVIEW, but it’s not worth the effort. And it’s not really like I’m going to listen to the dressing-down given me by somebody who doesn’t even have the balls to leave his name or email address. You sure told me, Mr. Anonymous!
Nathan
date: Tue, 23 Oct 2007
name: Jc, for starters
subject: You rockHello
I may never watch the movies you review, but I still read your reviews. Because they’re simply awesome. I like your stile, they way you, eh, make fun things, the Erratic Head of Ezra Pound and so on. Keep up the good work
Jc
Thanks, JC. That’s exactly what I’m aiming for: That readers with no intention of seeing the movies will still find the reviews worth reading. You’ve made my day, sir/ma’am!
Nathan
date: Tue, 23 Oct 2007
name: Pericles Lewnes
subject: Redneck ZombiesI just want to say that your review of my movie REDNECK ZOMBIES is perhaps the most on target screed on the internet!
You “get it.”
Cheers,
Pericles
Thank you, sir!
Nathan
date: Sat, 06 Oct 2007
name: Nicole
subject: Month of the Living Dead VIIWoo-hoo! I look forward to your Month of the Living Dead every year as part of the general October Halloweeny goodness. I’m a fan of Cold Fusion all year ’round but the gut-munching extravaganza is my favorite.Not only are the reviews kick-ass as always but the LOLCats captions just about made me choke on my chai. Good stuff! Thanks for all the great laughs and entertainment.
~Nicole
Chai-spitting his high praise indeed; I’m flattered. (And your message was a welcome change from the surprising number of responses I’ve gotten that say, “What’s with the illiterate captions? I don’t get it.”)
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Tue, 11 Sep 2007
name: Greg Arden
subject: Hello again! It’s been a long time!Hello, Mr. Shumate! You may remember me from my earlier message pertaining to your beaker-based rating system (it’s in the “older mail” section of your web-site). I have two questions–and a suggestion–for you: You don’t appear to be updating your podcast section very often. As a very big fan of your work, I am dismayed whenever I see that you don’t have any new podcasts! Now, don’t get me wrong–your podcasts(“Killers In the Woods” is my personal favorite; You can actually hear the bile foaming up your esophagus, if you listen closely), and any podcast Morgan Webb is in are the only podcasts I subscribe to! I understand, your a father and husband, busy scrubbing terrible memories of “Ninja Phantom Heroes” from your brain, but I simply must have my Shumate podcast fix! Forgive me, my composure…Oh, of course, my second question: Do you accept other people’s movie reviews on your site? Or, to be blunt: Are you hiring? Because if you ever feel like the movies are reaching a ‘“Teen Knight”-times-4′ level of suckiness, I’m your man!And my suggestion: I think that, if you don’t feel like making podcasts of your more recent reviews, you should release a “best-of” and/or “worst-of” podcast, not just with the review itself, but detailing any personal recollections or anecdotes that you may have left out of the reviews (not to say that that’s a bad thing…your business is your business, after all). Or, if that doesn’t sound like a good idea, you could always make a podcast detailing how you got into movie reviews, what movies inspired you (“Starcrash” not-withstanding), where you came from, your wife’s impression of your job (I’m just spit-balling at this point), et cetera.
Well, I hope you find my suggestions useful! I just want to thank you for the job you chose. Many men become athletes, judges, astronauts, and miners, but it takes real guts to watch “It Came From Somewhere Else” without flinching (at least initially).
With great admiration,
Greg Arden
P.S.: Did you know that they’re remaking “Logan’s Run” and “Hellraiser”? Just some food for thought…granted, it’s junk food, but it’s still food…
Hi Greg,
I’m glad you enjoyed the podcasts, and I’m sorry I had to let them slide. Scheduling a block of time to record between finishing the review and posting it was too taxing (for instance, tonight’s review was finished roughly ten minutes before I uploaded). I do occasionally podcast at my blog, tachyon-city.com — and by “occasionally” I mean “not since before summer because I’m a bad boy.” (I should have one out in the next couple of weeks, though.)
As far as guest reviews go, I don’t currently accept them; as you’ve noticed, I’ve got a fairly set format for reviews, and it’s not what most contributors would choose to imitate. However, I’ve been known to set up subsites of the Cold Fusion Media Empire for reviewers looking for a venue.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Mon, 10 Sep 2007
name: Andrew Sherrod
subject: Pia Reyes TriviaI just read your review of Forbidden Zone: Alien Abduction and wanted to pass along some useless Pia Reyes trivia.The reason you probably never saw her career take off (well, in sense of “take of” applying to the limited world of Charles Band productions) was because she went into hiding with a criminal common law husband:News article
Just thought it was somewhat interesting trivia about a (very) minor celebrity.
Iiiinteresting. Well, we can’t all marry our own Phil Spector, can we?
Nathan
date: Fri, 07 Sep 2007
name: Jon
subject: Shoutout & Anime ReviewsHey there Nathan. First of all, it’s been a blast reading some of your reviews. Most are highly informative, many are funny, and all are worth reading. I’m always amazed at how you can inject humor into some of the worst pain a human being has inflicted on another’s eyes. (Cases in point: I Stand Alone, Killers in the Woods, Don’t Turn Around, etc.) Admittedly, some of these movies are bad in a Mystery Science Theater kind of way (i.e. so bad they’re funny); others are so bad that they only serve to use up time we could have been watching our toenails grow.Anyway, on to the point of my letter. I’ve noticed that you have seemed to neglected reviewing any anime movies. (That is to say, Japanese animated movies, not American animated movies.) I’m curious if you weren’t intending to review any, or if you simply hadn’t gotten around to it yet. (And no, I’m not trying to pass judgement or anything like that; I’m just asking a question.)
Hi Jon,
Glad you enjoy the site.
Regarding anime, you’re right; it’s a conscious decision to avoid the field. For one thing, the internet’s got eighty bazillion anime specialty sites, so there’s really no need for me to expand my general-purpose scope to include them superficially. And for another, I’ve seen how obsessive so many anime fans become, and frankly, I don’t have the time for yet another obsession.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Thu, 06 Sep 2007
name: Zandor Vorkov
subject: Forbidden Zone: Alien AbductionHey … I’d seen this some years ago on late-night cable (probably Cinemax). Like you, I found it to be a little more thoughtful than the average skinflick but I never could remember the title. Not that I ever wanted to see it again, or anything, I just hate remembering a movie but not its title.Thanks for just happening to review this and jogging my memory.
See? And now I’ve utterly spared you the necessity of a second viewing. I’m a giver!
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Wed, 25 Jul 2007
name: Ed McDonagh
subject: Pit and the PendulumActually, Torquemada’s actions were directly motivated by the Biblical Jesus’ teachings that salvation had to do with faith. Also, the Biblical Jesus introduced to the canon the concept of eternal damnation and/or Gehenna.
Eternal Damnation
Whether Jesus was mistaken or not in his estimate of his close relationship with God is for each person to decide; but his theory of the disasters that would follow unbelief in his divinity leads to serious difficulties if accepted literally. For not only was Jesus in error when he insisted that salvation depended upon belief, he was also reconciled to eternal suffering for unbelievers. Note some of his expressions:
“If ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.” ["John viii, 24.] “Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels … And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.” [Matt xxv, 31-46.]“Whosoever shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of etemal damnation.” ["Mark iii, 29.]“Except ye repent ye shall perish.” [Luke xiii, 3.]“If thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched.” [Mark ix, 43.]“How can ye escape the damnation of hell?” [Matt. xxiii, 33.]
“He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved, but he that believeth not shall be damned.” [Mark xvi, 16.]
It is evident from these quotations that Jesus not only preached belief in his divinity as essential to salvation, but endeavored to terrify people into belief by threats of eternal torment. Jesus was responsible for the theological conception of a fiery hell. If he was mistaken, if there never was a place of torment for the wicked after death, is it not an act of constructive criticism to expose the person most responsible for the false doctrine that has caused so much fear and mental suffering? Must we not deplore this mistake of Jesus and recast our entire opinion of him as a religious teacher?
Are we not justified in stating positively that Jesus made a mistake when he taught a physical hell and condemned people to spend eternity in torment for the doubtful sin of disbelief?
Um… No. No, we are not justified in stating positively that Jesus made a mistake, unless we have unimpeachable evidence that he DID, something which your argument skips entirely. Nor was Jesus responsible for the concept of Hell as a final destination for the wicked; that was already a part of Jewish theology. And if one can come up with widely-divergent interpretations of Christianity by cherry-picking different sets of verses and ignoring any context, then it’s scarcely fair to “blame” Jesus for any one of those interpretations above the others, is it? In other words, if the breadth of Christianity can produce both Torquemada and Mother Teresa, it’s hard to argue that Christianity leads essentially and necessarily to Torquemada.
Nathan
date: Wed, 11 Jul 2007
name: Tim(I too need a life) Rogerson somewhere in England
subject: In your defenseI was more than a little shocked to read the attack on your video reviewing style in your mailbag.Hasn’t the person concerned got a sense humor?
I like your brand of ironic comic sarcasm and it’s perfect for the less than mainstream movies you examine. I’m also a fan of the more seedier under-belly of Hollywood and all the jaded little tid-bits it has too offer.
Doesn’t the e-mailer who did the hatchet job on your idiosincratic delivery realise the whole point of your site is to investigate the more obscure offerings of American cinema?
Since there was no return email address, I couldn’t respond and thank Tim for his kind words, so… Thanks, Tim, for your kind words.
Nathan
date: Tue, 19 Jun 2007
name: reeves
subject: your reviews make my eyes bleed nicelyHey!
Like the reviews. Saw Hatchet for a Honeymoon ‘ movie ad on the ‘Something Weird’ category of Comcast cable (argh). The music for the ad was all rara 60’s chacha music not like the movie!The interest brought me to your site.which is tasty stuff.Recommended for your viewing (dis)pleasure):
(from the 70’s)
Horror Express
Pigs
Axe
House of Exorcism
Gummo (from the 90s)
Feed (2005)
Ya! Plow that pig!
-reeves
Glad to know that eye-bleeding is still a plus with a certain demographic. The movies you mention are all on my list of movies to review someday, assuming that advances in cyborg technology keep me alive so long.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Tue, 19 Jun 2007
name: Donna Leigh Scott (Drake)
subject: Track of the MoonbeastWell Nathan, I agree with you, this is a pretty awful movie and even though I “starred” in it, I was pretty bad…however, when I received the script, it became apparent that it was almost impossible to give those wooden words some life! And it was the director’s first gig. We all thought the movie would never be edited and put out there (whew!) when much to my surprise, folks started recognizing me from it around the country. When I first saw it, I sat there and cried. My husband, a wonderful actor named Tim Scott (Lonesome Dove, Fried Green Tomatos, Butch Cassidy, inducted into the Cowboy Hall of Fame for Ned Blessing, died in 1995) pointed out to me how funny it was and sure enough, it was picked up on his favorite show, Mystery Theatre with those little robots really dishing me…Did I mention I earned enough money to buy a house from that one movie that is now worth 7 figures? That dreadful movie, but still playing at 4 a.m. someplace, is 30 years old and I have reinvented myself as a singer and am a member of the Academy of Country Music. I front a band called Sugar Magnolia (myspace.com/sandylayne) and have an album, Filly Gumbo, on cdbaby.com. You wrote a very funny and accurate description of this little gem and I reckon I will never live it down. I really did have a very good acting coach, trained in the Method, and was considered a fairly good actor by some. But I must say, I’m a better singer…well, you know how it goes…everything is in the timing and the lighting…and so it goes…
Thanks for taking it so well; I know that I come down hard on a lot of movies, and this one of those cases in which an inexperienced actress comes across in the worst light possible. Glad to hear that you’ve been able to “move past” the experience in other creative fields, and I hope that being a borderline cult icon gives you some pleasure in your more whimsical moments.
Nathan
date: Wed, 30 May 2007
name: Michael Pawloski
subject: Blockbuster DOES Edit ther videos!Nathan:
I am very sorry to inform you that you are VERY wrong about Blockbuster not editing their videos. Anyone who works with any large studio can tell you this…I don’t know where you are getting your facts, unless you are Mormon or you have stock in Blockbuster Video.
Check it out…http://www.answers.com/topic/blockbuster-movie-rental-store
“I read it on a reposted Wikipedia page — it MUST be true!”
Let’s check out the facts that counter “my facts.” I assume that the part of the page you’re referring me to is this:
“Critics of the chain, including Naomi Klein in her anti-globalization book No Logo (1999), allege that Blockbuster is involved in “censorship,” because it not only bans certain titles, but has allegedly edited videos for release beyond the standard retail cut, or allegedly used its significant market share to influence studios to do so.”
So we’ve got two “alleged” charges. Fine. Klein alleges; I dispute. Hardly a factual slamdunk.
I can’t tell from the summary given here whether it’s Klein herself who made the twin charges summarized here, or if the Wikipedia contributor interpreted it thus, but we can deal with each of them quickly:
“…allegedly edited videos for release beyond the standard retail cut…”
That’s pretty easy to disprove or not. Go into any Blockbuster, grab a video that someone asserts is edited, and look at the logo on the box and on the disc. It’s the studio’s logo. The studio produced it. Heck, if you’re extra-suspicious, check the running time on the back of the box against the actual running time. Ta-dah! The disc you hold in your hand was not in some fashion edited by Blockbuster after it left the distributor’s control. This is a version of the movie released by the studio and delivered to Blockbuster in the same form in which you’re renting it. (Plus a couple of scratches, naturally.)
The second charge:
“…allegedly used its significant market share to influence studios to do so.”
I can’t see that this is a fact which contradicts anything I said. Here’s what I wrote:
“For yet another thing, Blockbuster does not “edit” movies. To do so would be illegal, and lawsuits cost money. Instead, because they have enough outlets to give them considerable bargaining power, they negotiate with the distributors and studios to carry tamer, rated versions of unrated films (a deal which the studio has every right to grant, as they have paid the moviemakers for the express right to own the film, lock, stock, and barrel).”
Find me the contradiction there, because I can’t see it on my own.
So to summarize: Your proof that I’m wrong consists a second-hand Wikipedia article, facts which are a restatement of what I already said, an appeal to common wisdom as a source (what “anyone who works with any large studio” could tell me), and a clear implication that if I dispute this common wisdom, I am doing so out of bad faith (from either a religious or economic motivation). Hardly airtight reasoning.
In fact, it’s that last bit that really sticks in my craw. Would you try to win an argument by stating that your case was self-evident unless your opponent were a Jew? Or a Mexican? A Catholic? An African-American? It just so happens that I AM a Mormon. So what? Facts will speak for themselves; irrevelant smears have no bearing on the matter one way or another.
Nathan
date: Wed, 23 May 2007
name: David
subject: ComplimentsMate, I stumbled across your website a few weeks ago, and have been coming back to read more of the reviews since then. You have a disarming writing style, and a great sense of dry humour – more than once I’ve pissed myself laughing as you’ve exposed some major film ineptitudes. I’m not sure if you have any Steven Seagal film reviews on your site – that guy sets himself up for a major fall with each film he makes.Anyway, just wanted to say how much I enjoy your work.All the best,
David.
Melbourne, Australia.
Thanks, David, though I can’t take all the credit for the dry humour. I’m in Utah — EVERYTHING’S dry!
I’ve somehow neglected Mr. Seagal, though not by design; I’ll probably have to have a Video Binge one of these days to bring myself up to speed.
Thanks again, and take care!
Nathan
date: Mon, 21 May 2007
name: Dan
subject: “Slaughtered” got distributionHere.And where else but a 6 movie “quantity over quality” box set….Ive seen the trailer for Slaughtered and well…now I know how to torture someone brutally…how did you manage to sit trhough it?
And the world became dark to my eyes…
How did I manage? After the first twenty minutes, I was motivated entirely by the Will to Witness, with the need to be an instrument in the hand of cosmic justice clutched hard to my breast.
Nathan
date: Sun, 06 May 2007
name: Kristofer Upjohn
subject: Your Offended Redneck ReaderHi Nathan,
I can’t recall if I’ve written on this topic before, but since I don’t remember, I’ll assume I haven’t. I read the entertaining exchange between you and the irritated Southern reader who was offended by your joke regarding Southern stereotypes. Obviously, he doesn’t appreciate the satirical quality of making fun of a stereotype – which is decidedly different than making fun of the actual people themselves. I’m from the South and I think Ezra’s comment was amusing. And while I’m not a Pumpkinhead fan, my lack of fandom has more to do with a ho-hum response when I saw the movie years ago and subsequent indifference to revisiting the franchise – not any perceived slight against Southern culture. Keep up the good work. Your writing is intelligent, funny and analytical. Kudos!
Kristofer Upjohn
Editor
B-Scared.com
Bah — you’re just another prejudiced whiteneck, trying to keep the rural man down! Bigot! Bigot!
:)
Nathan
date: Fri, 13 Apr 2007
name: Josh Hadley
subject: StarcrashI just read your review of Starcrash after I picked up the DVD (called Female Space Invaders for no reason I can think of) and I just wanted to hand it to you for the Mike Grell comment. As a huge Grell fan I can completly see what you meant by it and it did indeed cement your geekness, and thats not an insult.Also, I am the only one that thinks that Caroline Munro would have been a great Vampirella? Think about it, the flowing hair, the costume with the Dracula collar and the shear hottness…..
And then she would have opened her mouth to let words out, and the whole thing would have come crashing down… I don’t think I’m being sexist when I say that Caroline Munro should be seen and not heard.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Thu, 05 Apr 2007
name: Miriam
subject: Jerome/Phil Ressner books
Thanks for putting Jerome online. I’d never seen it before, but I’m a big fan of Dudley Pippin (another Phil Ressner book) and on a whim I’ve taken to collecting his books (all 6! easy to collect.) Even if you didn’t read Dudley when you were a kid, I highly recommend it. If I get a scanner I may do for Dudley what you’ve done for Jerome.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Nathan
date: Tue, 27 Feb 2007
name: Anthony Thurman
subject: Re: Moviemark DVD ReviewHi Nathan, I’m Anthony Thurman, one of the directors included on the Moviemark Indie Shorts Vol. 1 DVD. I was searching online and came across your review. While I can understand why you would say a lot of the things you said in your review, I think a lot of the films on the DVD weren’t bad as they were made out to be. One of the things you mentioned was that you didn’t think the films had a story. For “The Depression of Detective Downs” the main focus wasn’t the kidnapping case, it was a character study of a guy who has to keep his mind focused in order to get through the case. Many people in the medical field and even police have commented that the film presents the subject of depression in a realistic manner. Almost every major symptom of the illness is shown being experienced by the main character. It also shows that a person dealing with such a problem can be competent enough to function normally to a certain degree in dealing with their job.I created the film because of my own depression and the fact that people never believed me when I told them I was depressed. By creating the film, it helped people see what a person with that problem goes through and how they think. I’ve even had people rethink their own behavior and actions after seeing some of the things the main character did in the film–such avoiding mirrors and hiding in bathrooms to avoid workmates.
Sure I didn’t have the manpower or better knowledge of animation as I do now so some of the lines around the characters look rather rough (it was done in Photoshop not MS Paint by the way), but the film is about more than just flash. I actually had sleep paralysis many nights because of working long hours trying to draw backgrounds and animate characters (The process is much harder than it comes across on the screen of course). The whole film was written, animated, and produced all by one man (myself) who was on a mission to help provide a voice for depressed people. It was never meant to be a big action epic with giant explosions and gun battles.
I didn’t write this e-mail to get you to change your review or anything of that matter, just wanted to maybe help you understand why it was made since you questioned its story. Also as regards the story, I left many things out such as what caused Downs’ deep depression in case I decided to do sequels. Everything in the film actually has a meaning, even down to why Downs’ clock always goes off every morning at 34 minutes after the hour. Even in his last words, “I wonder if that pawnshop has any good alarm clocks”, there’s meaning. That’s Downs way of saying that he may decide to move on with his life and actually give the woman at the Pawnshop a chance.
If you were going to put down anything, I’ll take a hit in terms of animation because I know I’m a guy learning with each one of my films and trying to get better with each one. I’m not the big studio guy with tons of departments to go to with millions of dollars backing him. I’m just a guy with a dream. I really do think the “lack of story” that you mentioned isn’t really accurate. If there appears to be a lack of story, that’s only because it’s second to development of the character and his depression (which is the main reason I made this particular film). Some people really like the film and think there is a story, whereas some people don’t–so it’s okay. Everyone sees things differently.
Hopefully maybe all my long hours I’ve spent staying awake till 3 in the morning animating my new film will yield better results and maybe be something that you’ll like.
Just felt like I needed to defend the film for some reason because it’s more than just about a kidnapped girl–it’s a story about a guy who has an illness that’s kidnapped by his own mind. Thank you for your time, Nathan, and no hard feelings. I hope you respect my message as much as I respect your review.
Hi, Anthony. Thanks for writing, and so civilly; a lot of filmmakers get hot under the collar after a bad review.
I appreciate what you’re saying. You’ll note that I said that lack of story is a general problem for short filmmakers, but that wasn’t a criticism I levelled at yours; in fact, what I said about “The Depression of Detective Downs” is that there’s TOO MUCH story material to cover in seven minutes.
I’m glad that making the film was therapeutic for you. Many people turn to the arts as part of therapy or as a counterbalance to stresses in their lives, and the value of the art thus lies in the action, not the result; I think you’ll agree that just because someone uses (for instance) painting as a way to combat depression does not mean that the painting itself is necessarily good, or worthy of praise by an outside critic.
And I don’t dispute that the information conveyed about depression was accurate. But again, chunks of PSA-style info don’t therefore mean that the film itself is good.
I critique for artistic and entertainment value. I approach film as a narrative form first and foremost, and thus my review of just about any film is going to revolve around (a) the quality of the story, and (b) the skill with which it is presented. Matters such as the filmmaker’s therapeutic achievement in completing a project are beyond the scope of my, or any, review. If making it was good for you, then that’s where its main value lies, and you shouldn’t expect that to translate directly into audience appreciation.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Tue, 20 Feb 2007
name: lisa dartt
subject: untamed womenCould you tell me how I could manage to see Untamed Women, even though it is out of print. I have a friend (Judy Brubaker) who was in the movie, and I’ve been looking for it for years. Any help you could give would be much appreciated.thanks,
Lisa
Because the movie’s currently out of print, your best bet for finding a copy is to turn to bootleggers. Mine came from these people:
There’s also someone selling DVD-R copies on eBay for five dollars plus shipping.
Hope this helps.
Nathan
date: Sun, February 4, 2007
name: Dominic
subject: Walton’s (not ridicule)That doll scene from the Waltons gave me nightmares for years, I saw it when it aired when I was a child in 70-something. When that thing stood up in the window I screamed. I hated Raggedy Ann dolls from then on. It was only when I learned that they have candy hearts that I finally got over it. Just thought you should know, you’re not the only one who got spooked. ;)D-
Between that Waltons episode and the Raggedy Ann & Andy animated TV special that featured a delusional camel who kept trying to follow a hallucinatory caravan into the desert, I was already scarred for life concerning ragdolls. And that’s before Charles Band came on the scene.
Thanks,
Nathan
name: sandra
subject: voodoo moonI thought “Daniel” means “God is my judge” – which I guess would fit Lucifier.
Eh. Six of one, half-dozen of the other. With old Hebrew names, even though we can tell what the concepts were which were indicated (in this case, “judge/judgement” and “God”), it’s hard to interpolate the grammatical sense.
Nathan
date: Thu, February 1, 2007
name: Edward
subject: James Silke and The BarbariansI, dont know what to say. A man who could write something as wonderful as The Death dealer series, penned this horror? Worse yet he was created one of the brain melting American Ninja movies?It does make me wonder one thing. What did he take out of the script, if this was the good stuff?Anyway, love your work.
Maybe after I get done with revisions on my site you will look at some of my reviews.
Later
BTW..
Dark Heaven. It will rip the soul right out of you.
I’ve learned through long experience not to blame the screenwriter without evidence. After all, the writer is hired for his ability to craft a story — but then he has to answer to the director and producer. They hired him to do a job they couldn’t do themselves, but then they then feel fully qualified to go back and tell him how to do his job.
Are you looking at opening a review website? The field’s pretty crowded, but there’s always room for more of the good stuff.
Nathan
Date: Mon, January 29, 2007
name: daniel
subject: lost world reviewsdear mr.shumate,
having read your excellent reviews for both the atrocious renditions of sir arthur conan doyle’s lost world(and another cdompliment is due for your re-reading this excellent novel for detailed comparison)i have therefore decided to request a review of the latest rendition , this time by the bbc, starring bob hoskins as prof. challenger. if you’ve seen the bbc’s documentaries about prehistoric life, than the animal odels are taken from there. u ust say that this is the best yet, not counting the one from 1925. it is true that the plot is somewhat altered (mandatory love interest, more scientific concern for wildlife) but as a lifelong fan of the original novel i can confidantly say that this is the first case of making thoughtful and respectful changes that have their roots in the original text. those that don’t are far less strident than other versions both you and i are familiar with.along the same lines i also recommend a review of the novel by greag bear “dinosaur suer” which involves ray harryhousen and willis obrian as characters.yours
daniel
barak
israel
You’ll be happy to know that the recent BBC version of The Lost World is one I already want to see. However, there are a lot of movies out there (duh), and I can never guarantee when I’ll get around to something. But next time there’s a dinosaur-shaped hole in my schedule, I’ll look at picking it up.
Thanks,
Nathan
date: Sat, January 27, 2007
name: Manning
subject: Tricked out rental boxesSpeaking of tricked-out vhs box covers, do you remember the one for the godawful rock horror movie Black Roses? It was an 80’s horror schlock cheese fest that absolutley blew. The case was all large and puffy and I recall if you pushed a button out came a cheesy rock riff. I remember telling myself “don’t do it! don’t spend your last dollar renting this! you know the cover promises a good movie but its all lies! LIES!” But sadly I sat through it and wanted to claw my eyes out. I am iffy on the details but this was 18 years or so ago when I was 12 and rode my bike to a local mom and pop video store.Thanks,
Manning
PS-R.I.P. to all the mom and pop video stores. Each one was like an undiscovered tomb because you never knew what tapes each shop would have—unlike today when you know that Blockhead video is going to have plenty of copies of RV and Jeepers Creepers 2 to scramble your brain.
I don’t remember that particular box. I’m guessing all the local metalheads had already drained the battery by punching it over and over before I got to it.
Thanks,
Nathan
