Cold Fusion Video Reviews

• Directed by Dan Golden
• Written by Jeff Pulice, Daniella Purcell, and Joe Sprosty
• Starring
  • James Brolin
  • Bryan Genesse
  • Richard Lynch
  • Kehli O’Byrne
• Produced by Cirio H. Santiago
• Executive produced by Roger Corman

In this standard-looking post-nuke world (which looks like it was shot in the same gravel pit as Dune Warriors), in addition to bombs dropping, there was also a biological plague — one which rendered sex deadly to men and women. Now, twenty-three years later, the “war between the sexes” is still going on, as the two armed camps shoot at each other with those bullets and munitions that always seem so plentiful after the bomb. (Buncha men living together in an age without showers. Imagine the smell of your freshman dorm times fifty bazillion.)

Premise problem #1: I suppose they had to make it post-apoc to explain the absence of modern manufacturing. Otherwise, I would have one word for all residents: CONDOM!!

Premise problem #2: As explained, there are two strains of virus, one inhabiting men, the other women, and when they meet they’re deadly to both participants. Logically, then, the most plentiful people on earth should be gay men and lesbian women. However, while Roger Corman obviously has no problem with lesbian women, a post-apoc world filled with gay men just doesn’t seem to be a premise which would fly at New Horizons, so I guess they just ignored that entire line of thought and confined the future to heteros.

Anyway, the fanatical male leader, Calloway (played by Richard Lynch in his standard “nasty mode”) comes across an odd compound, one with clean-looking houses and gardens. But who does he see outside? WOMEN! He attacks, blowing people away right and left, even after he sees — gasp — men living with them! He decimates the entire settlement; the only survivor, as it turns out, is young Joe Knight (Brian Genesse), who was out on an errand.

How young? Joe is only twenty — which should be impossible because of the plague. But Joe’s father was a scientist who, right after the war, figured out an injection which could temporarily shield the carriers from the effects of the plague, allowing them to have sex and make babies. Unfortunately, the injection is created from a certain kind of snake venom, which is always in short supply. As luck would have it, on the day of the raid, in his protected underground lab, he had finally figured out how to synthesize the necessary ingredient. Now it’s time for young Joe to take over his father’s work and find a way to repopulate the world.

And that’s where McCabe (James Brolin) comes in. On trial for some unnamed treason against Calloway, McCabe is put before a firing squad, only to be rescued by Joe (driving Hercules, the solar-powered Mustang). McCabe, it seems, would be an ideal Adam; they only have to find an Eve.

And the Eve they find is young Shara (Kehli O’Byrne, adorable enough for me to forgive the fanciful spelling of her first name), standing guard outside the women’s compound. They kidnap her and spirit her way to the lab, and try desperately to convince her that, no, sex won’t kill you this time.

Premise problem #3: Joe first recruits McCabe, and then, when he proves nervous, they capture a spy from Calloway’s camp and try to force him into being the guinea pig. Why? Joe obviously knows the serum is safe; there were chilluns running all over the base before Calloway blew it up. So why does it take so much dang persuasion for him to be the Adam? I’d think any twenty-year-old, faced with safe sex, the duty to repopulate the earth, and Kehli O’Byrne, would gladly take the responsibility upon himself.

Anyway. Genesse comes across as a young Tom Hanks with more muscles, just the right blend of naivete and capability. Brolin is obviously enjoying himself, spouting pre-bomb pop culture references that none of his young compatriots will get. Lynch is as evil as ever, and O’Byrne, while not being a great actress, is cute’n'cuddly enough to make you forget it.

We’re also treated to a fake porn film (gotta show the kids an instructional video), women who can shoot straight and men who can’t, and a handful of beautiful women smoking cigars and playing strip poker with Brolin. And mercifully, because there aren’t any children, there’s no child to cry in the street for his mommy during any battle scenes.

And in five years, when the world is rebuilt, they’ve even rediscovered floral print dresses with square lace collars. Now that’s civilization.

Some Notable Totables:

• body count: 73
• breasts: 10
• explosions: 67
• dream sequences: 0
• ominous thunderstorms: 0
• actors who’ve appeared on Star Trek: 1
  • Richard Lynch played “Baran” in the two-part TNG “The Gambit”